Thursday, October 1, 2009

If You Give a Girl Some Geometry Homework...

Incongruous- senseless, absurd, illogical, etc.

The Walking Dictionary's Definition of the Day Award goes to: circular stories!

What is a circular story, you ask? Think If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, If You Give a Pig a Pancake, etc. Basically, a train of thought written down that comes back to the starting point. So, why is this so stupid? Because it's my latest Geometry assignment.

Yes, it's true. Due tomorrow is my own original circular story... in Geometry. How does this relate to math? Well, dearies, it's all if-then statements! (In other words, it doesn't relate at all. I get the feeling my teacher just wants to read children's stories.)

So, my friend (pretty much my twin, actually; we go by Fred and George, or Samneric to anyone who has read Lord of the Flies.) who shall hereby go by the name of Michelle, and I were talking about this assignment at lunch today. I was telling her how I had written mine in Study Hall and how it had taken me three tries to get one I actually liked. One of my failed attempts started with "If you give a girl some homework..." Michelle said something along the lines of, "We should write one starting like that, except make it really sarcastic and stuff!" Here, my little cabbages, is the outcome of this conversation:


-If you give a girl some geometry homework, then she will be really excited to do it.
-If she's really excited to do it, then she will ask her teacher for more.
-If she asks for more, then she will get more.
-If she gets more geometry homework, then she will become the teacher's pet.
-If she becomes the teacher's pet, then she will ask for extra credit every day.
-If she asks for extra credit every day, then her teacher will get annoyed.
-If her teacher gets annoyed, then she will no longer be the teacher's pet.
-If she is no longer the teacher's pet, then she will have depression.
-If she has depression, then she will need therapy.
-If she needs therapy, then she will sue her teacher.
-If she sues her teacher, then there will be a lawsuit.
-If there is a lawsuit, then there will be lawyers.
-If there are lawyers, then the world will end.
-If the world ends, then the sun will blow up.
-If the sun blows up, then Pluto blows up.
(And because it all has to come back to the starting point...)
-If Pluto blows up, then she will have more geometry homework!

Thank you! Thank you! (Takes a bow) That was an original Fred&George production. Perhaps more to come...

The Great Blogzini predicts: You will feel something falling in your hair later this week, think the sky is falling, and run screaming through the street. You will then realize that it was the leaves falling from the trees.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

POWERPUFF! (doo doo doo doo doooooo)

Dilatory- late, overdue, procrastinating, neglectful, etc.

The Walking Dictionary's Definition of the Day Award goes to: this blog post!

*nervous chuckle* Well, hi there, oh-so-wonderful readers! Ya' look a little...testy. Look, look, I know I've been gone a while, but no worries! I have a reasonable explanation...

Well, not really. I COULD tell you all sorts of things, like that I was too busy with homework or after-school activities, or that my computer accidentally fell in a lake, or maybe even that I got stepped on by an elephant recently and lost the ability to type. However, this is not the case. The case is, in fact, that I was extremely lazy and got caught up in trying to beat my high score on Solitaire ("the game for lonely people", as my sister calls it. Hmm...) which may or may not be a valid excuse. YOU would be tortured too, if your high score was 1199 and you kept scoring 1198 again and again and again...

But there are bigger things at stake here! I have allowed the little blurbs of random in your brain to crawl back into their corners, and your thoughts are slowly turning normal once again! Yes, your brain relies on ME to stay random! (No? Oh, let me have my dreams.) So I have come to rescue you from the overwhelming dreariness of normality. But what is the perfect cure? Let's follow my train of thought:


... WHAT? What did you just say? The Powerpuff Girls aren't superheros?! How dare you! I daresay they ARE superheros, and they're superb ones at that! Why, just listen to their theme song!

"Fighting crime,
Trying to save the world,
Here they come just in time,
The Powerpuff Girls!"

Now, unless they are a group of nerds playing Final Fantasy in their parent's basement, I would say that those words describe only SUPERHEROES! They fly! They punch! They use laser eyes and ice breath and can speak Spanish! (C'mon, you know it's a superpower.) What more do you want?

Oh. You want proof. You want PROOF. Well, I'll give you proof. I should KNOW about the PPGs because I have a box set of every episode known to man, not to mention all the commercials involving the girls, a documentary of how they came into being, and an extra, 10th anniversary episode in which Mojo Jojo sings "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" by Tears for Fears. And if you don't believe me, you can ask any of my friends (or yourselves, since most of you ARE my friends). So yeah. Get owned.

Yet still, you say the Powerpuff Girls aren't superheroes. WHY?


You have got to be kidding me. Because they're little girls?!?!?! B.....b....but c'mon!!!!!!! That doesn't mean a thing! When I was a little girl, I accomplished many things, such as watching Barney in the fireplace and coming out covered in soot. Ahem.... but I could have saved the world if I wanted to... and if I had had superpowers. But you see? The PPGs did have superpowers, and they did want to save the world! Therefore, they are superheroes. Case closed.

...Or not. They're too cute to be superheroes, you say? Hmmm... interesting. I thought about something like this the other day. You see, my English class just finished reading Lord of the Flies, a classic book that is pretty much about a bunch of boys who crash-landed on an island, turn savage, and start killing each other. Yaaaaay! But anyways, we had to do an oral commentary, where we were each given a question about the book and had to record ourselves talking about it for 4-6 minutes. My question was: Discuss the role of "games" in the book.

Well, of course what started off as a harmless little commentary turned into this spiel about how the human nature was forever doomed to revolve around violence, etc etc. Why? Because you're talking to rant-girl here, and that's what I do. Part of my spiel was about how the boys were dismissed as innocent because they were little and cute, when in reality, they were killing each other over pigs and a stupid conch shell. (Don't ask, those who haven't read it. Just don't.) So. You want to tell me again that the Powerpuff Girls can't be superheroes because they are too cute? Yeah. Didn't think so.

And now that my rant about that is over, I think I will post something that may help you appreciate the Powerpuff Girls a little more...

Hear that? Not just superpowers. ULTRA superpowers! WHAT NOW?

The Great Blogzini predicts: At 8 AM tomorrow, someone will poison your milk. DO NOT DRINK YOUR MILK. (Thank you, The Office.)

Another Entry!

Well, I'm officially impressed. You guys (well, two of you) went above and beyond the call of duty. I requested your services, and you delivered. That's right, folks. We have yet another SUPER RECLINER! And with that, I'll upload the photos!



Aaaaaand WELCOME to the ever-growing gallery of Super Recliners! Today's photos were sent in by Carson, and what a great batch they are! Take a look:

Excellent! Just excellent! And here's a lovely closeup for you:

I ADORE the mask! I didn't even ask for one, but now it seems so obvious! Every superhero, recliner or not, has a secret identity, correct? Carson's raising the bar for any of you late submitters out there!

Another thing I love about this one; the cape! It's made of a dress "stolen from the dress-up box", as Carson said in her email to me. Could this Super Recliner be a cape CAPER? (Oh, ho ho, I'm so witty!)

And one last full-body side shot for your enjoyment:

This one looks like it's flying off into the distance, a perfect way to end this entry...

BUT WAIT! The entry's not over! Now that I have more than one submission, I am (yes!) posting a poll! Which Super Recliner is more SUPER, Sophia's or Carson's? Make sure to judge fairly, and incorporate such things as flair, accuracy, and overall awesomeness into your vote. Now go! Scatter! But vote before you leave!

Thanks again to Carson and Sophia for being awesome participants! Good luck to you both.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009


Greetings, dear readers. This will be brief. Those of you who read the last post know all about my request for the creation of the Super Recliner. Have no idea what I'm talking about? Then scroll down to the post right below this one and you'll understand. For those who DO know what I am talking about, I am pleased to announce that I have actually gotten some photos of a Super Recliner! THIS is what reader participation looks like, folks. Just in case you don't know. It's when the READERS (that's you) PARTICIPATE (a.k.a. does what the blogger tells them to in order to appease her.) Heh heh... anyways.

Please enjoy these wondrous photos taken by our very own Sophia!

Perfect, my dear Sophia, just perfect! I love the arm sticking out to the side like Super Recliner is flying. Outstanding!

A closeup here shows us the eyes in a better light. Observe how they are looking into the distance, going together with the arm we saw before, flying into the sky. How wondrous!

She even lifted the cushion up a bit for the mouth, like I said! And the Tinkerbell cape is marvelous. The whole thing is simply splendid, and my other readers *cough cough you cough* really should take a page out of Sophia's book. (Not literally, however, because I hate the desecration of books with my whole heart, not to mention it would be quite rude.) Well done! I hope to see more Super Recliners soon, and maybe we can have a little competition to see whose is most super!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009


Why, HELLO, there, my dear readers! Did you miss me? Did ya? Did ya?

Hmph. Well, anyway, I'm sure you've figured out by now, clever as you are, that my disappearance from the blogging world for the past month or so was a marvelous ploy to build up your anticipation for a new post, thereby increasing the number of hits I get when I actually do post something. It most certainly was not because I got lazy and didn't feel like being creative. Oh, no. That would never happen.

As you can see, today's post is out of the usual format. Why, you ask? Well, because... because school starts tomorrow.

(Let the horrific screams ensue.)

Yes, yes, it is MOST terrible, because it means I won't be able to blog nearly as much as I did this summer. (Which, I suppose, really wasn't that much at all.) And, seeing as I will be restricted to essay formats and very particular math formulas, etc etc, for the next 9 1/2 months, I deemed it appropriate for this post to break the usual mold. Are you following? Grand.

So, what to blog about? What seemingly unimportant factoid can I bring up for discussion? What can I rant about for the next four or five paragraphs? Hmmmmmm...

It's not that hard, actually. I was talking to my sister the other day about an item. I was telling her that this item is so underappreciated, it's completely ridiculous! We use this item EVERY SINGLE DAY, yet do we have a national holiday for it? No. Does anyone ever give thanks for it? No. Does anyone EVER think that maybe they should write a grateful blog for it? No. That is, until now, of course.

You see, my dear readers, this horrendously abused item is the oh-so-common household chair.

Ah, it all makes sense now, you are thinking. But does it? Do you truly understand how much we owe the chair? Think about it: Right now, you are probably sitting on a chair while you read this. I am sitting on a chair while I type it. If we didn't have chairs, we would be forced to sit on the cold, hard floor, with our backs against the wall and a frown on our faces. Sound good to you? I didn't think so.

No one even bothers to learn the history of the chair! It probably dates back to the caveman days, where they sat on big boulders. Hey, it was comfier than the floor, even then! I think I should do a little research for this post. Let's journey to the land of Google, shall we?


Oh, WOW. All of you need to go to Wikipedia and search for "chair". It is the funniest thing you will ever read. Seriously. It goes into all this detail about the different types of chairs. Here's a lovely snippet:

"A chair is raised surface used to sit on, commonly for use by one person. Chairs often have the seat raised above floor level, supported by four legs. A chair without a back or arm rests is a stool, or when raised up, a bar stool (adults) or high chair (young children). A chair with arms is an armchair and with folding action and inclining footrest, a recliner. A permanently fixed chair in a train or theater is a seat or airline seat; when riding, it is a saddle and bicycle saddle, and for an automobile, a car seat or infant car seat. With wheels it is a wheelchair and when hung from above, a swing."

I think my favorite part of that was when it was describing the recliner. FOLDING ACTION! That sounds like one of those superhero figurines with "rapid web-slinging action!" or "real back-flipping action!" Can you imagine a superhero recliner? I can. The eyes would be right in the center, where there are sometimes those big buttons, you know? And then the bottom cusion could move up and down as the mouth. No nose. What superhero have you seen that really needs a nose?

And of course it would have a cape. All good heroes have capes. Who cares what The Incredibles say about capes being the reason for so many superhero deaths? If it swishes in the wind dramatically, it's a good thing. Duh.

You know what? Who says there can't be a super recliner? Hmm? HMMM? Not me! I say, if you have a recliner at home, make it super! Grab some googly eyes and a towel (a real cape would be better, but I suppose not many of you have one). Stick 'em on your recliner, lift the bottom cusion up a bit, and WHAM, you've got a recliner that knows how to save the day! However, when you put the superhero accessories on, you may want to refrain from using glue. Somehow I don't think the 'rents would be happy if Super-Expensive Recliner had googly eyes and glue stains on it the rest of its life. Use tape instead!

AND if you guys are really super awesome and actually MAKE a Super Recliner and send me pictures, I will most definitely post them on this blog. AND if I get more than one picture, I'll have a little contest to see which one is best. You can send your entries to So be creative! We don't want them all to look the same, do we? NO! So go, scatter! Make me some heroes!

Meanwhile, maybe Super Recliner can save me from that disastrous, dreaded villain: School.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Happy 4th of July!

Well, HELLO, my little cabbages! (French term of endearment, right there!) I am very pleased to wish you all a wondrous and spectacular 4th of July! I myself am in a superbly awesome mood today, and do not feel like being constricted by the usual format. Yes, that's right! It's a free-for-all today! My favorite kind of post!

I feel very ironic today. You know how today's supposed to be all patriotic, and you're supposed to wear red, white, and blue? Well, I was GOING to, but then I saw this shirt at the mall yesterday that was light and dark green stripes. This may not sound all that exciting, but it looked EXACTLY like Steve's shirt! You know, from the original Blue's Clues? Before that POSER named Joe was on? Yeah, Steve owns him. So did his shirt. I mean, green clearly beats orange any day. So today, instead of celebrating our country's independence with my attire, I appear to be supporting the leprechauns. Eh, oh well. I've always liked March better than July, anyway. 

So, most of you know about my obsession with The Killers, right? If not, which rock have you been living under? Heh heh, just kidding... sort of. Anyways, the song I've been most obsessed with lately is "On Top" from Hot Fuss. I think it has one of the best lines EVER. You ready for this? Alright-

"We bring the bump to the grind, uh huh, I don't mind!"

AAAH! I ADORE that line! Goodness me... it's great. ;-D

Oh, and you know how I called you "my little cabbages" at the beginning of this post? Well, I got that from this book called The Daring Book for Girls, or something along those lines. It has a page for both French and Spanish phrases and terms of endearment. It's very useful. For example, Spanish people apparently use the phrase "Let's get back to our sheep" whenever they want to get back on subject. And then there's "Just because you were born in an oven doesn't make you a loaf of bread!" I have no idea what that one might mean. The book didn't explain. And the French... oh, the French. You think "little cabbages" is weird? They also use "my flea". Really? Huh. Just huh.

This book also had a list of women inventors and scientists. One of them invented a "self-cleaning house" which has a device in the ceiling of each room that can adjust the heat on it's own. Not only that, but it can also send soapy water through each room to "clean it", and then dry itself, too. The floors are slightly slanted to help drainage, and you're supposed to put thing that shouldn't get wet under tables and stuff. Sounds like a lot of work to me. What if you have a big, flat-screen TV? What table do you put that under? But it does have ONE cool part: The closets can wash, dry, and fold everything by itself. I know. Awesome, right?

Alright, well, I want to go celebrate with the rest of the country, as I'm sure you do, too. Here's wishing you a fireworks-filled day! Go have fun, my fleas! 

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Harry Potter and the Mood Elevator

Confounding- astounding, wondrous, etc.

The Walking Dictionary's Definition of the Day Award goes to: Human Resources! (HR)

You see, my dad works in HR, and every once in a while they have to go through training sessions to make sure they're on top of things. This week's session was based around (bum buh DA) THE MOOD ELEVATOR.

What is the mood elevator, you ask? Well, well, it is only the core of the human operating system! (No joke; this is honestly what they were told in their training session.) There are many levels on the mood elevator, ranging anywhere from Content or Happy to flat-out ANGRY. Grrrr! And right smack-dab in the middle is Curious. Curious is considered neutral because you neither like nor dislike something. You're just curious!


I know, right? Who comes up with this stuff?

Now, I have recently been on a Harry Potter kick, as I want to re-read the series before the new movie comes out. And I think the mood elevator sounds like another adventure in the HP series! In fact, it might just be fun to see what happens in:

Book 8: Harry Potter and the Mood Elevator

(In the scene are Harry, Ron, and Hermione. They are standing in a seemingly normal elevator...)

Ron: Where are we going today, Harry?

Harry: Dumbledore told me that this elevator has mystical powers, and that we shouldn't go anywhere near it. I thought it might be fun to explore it!

Hermione: Oooh, but Harry! We're probably breaking dozens of rules, not to mention that this could be cursed by a Dark Wizard, or...

Ron: Oh, lighten up, Hermione! It's just a bit of fun! Let's see where it goes!

(Ron walks over to the buttons, but stops when he hears...)

Neville: NO!

(Harry, Ron, and Hermione all jump and turn to face him.)

Harry: Neville! What are you doing here?

Neville: I overheard you talking about an elevator. My grandmother had told me about this one. She... she said it's dangerous!

Ron: Neville, your grandmother thinks everything is dangerous. She should have tea with Hermione someday! They'd get along well, don't you think?

(Hermione glares.)

Hermione: Oh, MOVE! I'll push the buttons myself!

(Neville trembles.)

Hermione: That's funny... it doesn't have the name of the floors...

Ron: So, what? Does that make it dangerous?

(Hermione hesitates, about to say something, but...)

Harry: Oh, c'mon, Hermione! Look, we'll just push the one.

(Harry pushes one of the buttons. The elevator vibrates, but doesn't seem to be moving up or down.)

Ron: W-what just happened?

Harry: I don't know... but wasn't it great!

Hermione: Oh, yes, Harry! That was fantastic! Let's do it again, shall we?

Neville: Oh, NO...

Ron: Come off it, Neville; what's wrong? Aren't you excited? That was so fun!

Neville: I t-tried to tell you! This is the Mood Elevator! Every button you push changes your mood. I g-guess you pushed Excitement.

Harry: Really? That's fascinating! I wonder what the other buttons are!

(He pushes another. The elevator vibrates again.)

Hermione: Interesting... I wonder how this works? 

Ron: Yeah... do you reckon it's very old magic?

Harry: (looking at Neville's feet) Neville, where in the world did you get those shoes? 

Neville: Oh... you m-must have hit the C-curious button. 

Hermione: Neville... why aren't YOU being affected by the elevator?

Neville: Oh, Gran put a charm on me to protect me. 

Ron: I don't know why you would need protecting. This elevator is probably one of the greatest wizard inventions ever! I should look into it's design and tell Dad...

Harry: I wonder what these other buttons do...

(He pushes another one, and the elevator vibrates once again. Hermione starts screaming loudly.)

Harry: What is it, Hermione?!

Hermione: Look! LOOK! There's a fly in here! (She screams again.)

(Ron and Harry spot the fly and drop to the floor, screaming as well.)

Neville: Oh, no! Terror... you pushed Terror! 

(He hurries over to the buttons and pushes one.)

Ron: Wow, Neville! That was really brave of you-

Harry: -we never would have been able to do that on our own, excellent job-

Hermione: -you're a hero, Neville! Thank you ever so much!

(They all give Neville a giant group hug.)

Neville: Oh. G-grateful. This might not be too bad...

(He presses the OPEN DOOR button and walks out, Harry, Ron, and Hermione still thanking him whole-heartedly. However, standing in front of them is none other than a very angry Gran.)

Gran: NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM! How DARE you try to walk off without resetting these poor children's emotions! You're supposed to be their friend, and I simply can not believe that you would-

Harry: Oh, no, Mrs. Longbottom, Neville's a great friend-

Ron: -we wouldn't trade him for the world, he's spectacular-

Hermione: -it'd be excellent if he could stay with us for the summer, can he-

(Gran glowers at Neville, then waves her wand at the trio. They appear briefly dazed before turning to Neville.)

Ron: Well, what'd you do that for?!

Harry: We sounded like idiots, Neville! Were you really going to leave us like that?

Hermione: Really, Neville, it was very inconsiderate, and people would have noticed eventually.

Gran: Well? What do you have to say for yourself?

(Neville's eyes dart from face to face anxiously before he runs suddenly back into the elevator, removing the charm on himself as the doors close. Two minutes later, he exits the elevator and walks back to the group.)

Neville: What are you looking at me like that for?

Gran: You're in serious trouble, young man?

Neville: Am I? I don't remember...

Hermione: Oh, NO! He must have pushed the Forgetful button!

(Everyone groans except Neville, who asks-)

Neville: Oooh, look! An elevator! Wonder where it goes?

Monday, June 22, 2009

Hello, my dear readers! I am ever so sorry I haven't blogged in a while; I've been a tad bit busy. But no matter! Because I am back and pumped for ACTION! Yeah! 

Why is this, you ask? Because I am mixing it up today (and you guys know how much I LOVE to mix things up.) No awards, no definitions; today is all about COMMERCIALS.

Yes! Commercials! Arguably the most interesting things on television! I've been wanting to do this for a while... OOH, I'm so excited! See, what we'll be doing is exploring the realm of commercials! We'll pick out the funniest ones, the ones that have the best music, and the ones that just don't make any sense. Oh, and let me just be clear that I am NOT advertising any of these things. I probably haven't used any of them, so don't go buy this stuff because you think I told you to, because I'm not. I just think their commercials are funny. Alright! Shall we begin? I think we shall! 

This first commercial is from a series of similar ones that are all equally as funny. (Oh, and I'm sorry I have to post these as links. Blogspot isn't letting me upload videos.

I love the bald guy's bowtie. 

Next is the ever-so-popular talking baby commercials! Seriously, if you HAVEN'T seen these yet, you've been living under a rock. I'm actually going to post two of these, because I just can't decide which I like better.

See, the first one supports those of us who have an irrational fear of clowns (and I do believe that is a very large group). But the second one... all I can say is WOW. Awesome.

This next one was actually the #1 funniest commercial in... some... countdown of funny commercials! I find it extraordinarily funny myself, seeing as my dad cracks these jokes around the house 24/7. But I digress.

And I am ABSOLUTELY not encouraging you to buy beer, seeing as most of you are my age. So don't. Bleh.

I think I will post a couple with music I enjoy. In these, focus on the MUSIC. Though maybe I'll be able to whip up some sarcastic tidbits about them, anyway.

Why, yes! I do have sarcastic tidbits to share! I would like to know WHERE they got all this gigantic fruit. You always see it in commercials, and there was even one in High School Musical 2! (For those who care, and I truly hope you don't, it's the scene where Sharpay is singing "Fabulous".) I do love the music in this commercial, though, so I won't bash it too hard. 

I actually downloaded the song from this next one, and have learned that it is the happiest, most optimistic song EVER MADE. It inspired me to make a Happy Playlist on my iPod. I'll post the rest of the song below the video, so you can hear what I mean.

Hmmm... I promised you some just plain stupid ones, but I can't think of any off the top of my head. Can I leave it to you, readers? You've been getting better at responding to my pleads for help, but you're not quite there yet... I suppose it IS for your own enjoyment, so if you guys want funny commercials to watch, tell your friends and have them send links to me! You know what to do- post your links in the comment box if you have any. I won't beg; it's your loss if you don't!

I hope you guys liked this commercial break. (Ha ha ha! I'm so funny.... ahem.) This is the part where I DO beg. PLEASE give me feedback! For once in your lives! Just let me know what you think! It's really not that hard! I really don't mind if you didn't like it; that's what I need to know! So, go! Flee! Comment! NOW! 

Saturday, June 13, 2009

The Convention of Genius

Before we get started, I have a few updates regarding past posts. First off, the poll "Do you think it's possible to find the greatest thing since sliced bread?" is now closed, with a grand total of two votes! Wow, you guys. Way to put out some effort. I'm so proud. However, I AM glad to say that I got a few suggestions for the greatest thing since... well, you know. None of them really worked, but I could see you were trying, and that's awesome. Seriously, reader participation makes this blog so much better.

Secondly, we STILL have not found a theme song! I've been told it needs to be something random, like this blog, but other than that, nothing specific... Actually, that's not true. Someone DID recommend particular songs by a particular artist who name escapes me right now, but the link she gave me didn't actually play the music. So, please, suggestions are still welcome, and make sure you give me a link where I can hear the music. I myself have one idea, based off the random thing, so I will post a link to that at the bottom of this post. That's all I've got update-wise, SO...

useless, weak, feeble, hopeless, etc.

The Walking Dictionary's Definition of the Day Award goes to: paper cups!

Yesterday, I got some lunch from McDonald's. They make delicious chicken, even if it IS really bad for you. As I sat in my living room, eating my McNuggets, watching some Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I noticed something as I picked up my cup. There was condensation! As in, wetness! Water! Liquid! All over the coaster!

Now, I realize this tends to happen with EVERY cup. That's why you USE coasters- to prevent the condensation from leaving rings on the table. But this was not your ordinary ring of dampness. Oh, no. This was a PUDDLE. The entire coaster was covered in water! There was no neat, little ring, just a blob!

So, that brings me to the question: WHO thought paper cups were a good idea? Everyone knows that paper+liquid=disaster! Go toss a book in a pool and tell me I'm wrong. (Don't really do that; the book didn't do anything to you, did it, now?) So WHY WHY WHY would you make a cup to hold LIQUIDS in out of the one thing that absolutely can not hold it? It makes as much sense as making a jacket out of snowballs; it just doesn't work!

I believe it is time for one of my very fun (and lengthy) dialogs!

The Convention of Genius

An annual event, during which all the geniuses in the world gather to discuss urgent matters, argue for no apparent reason, and drink some tea.

Howard Howard: Order! Order! As organizer of this convention, I call you to order! Don't make me use big words now, people! Order!

A quiet falls over the convention. A lecture hall is filled to the brim with geniuses from around the world, all sporting their signature "Hello, My Name is Genius" badges. Howard Howard stands at a podium at the front of the room, and begins to speak.

Howard Howard: Thank you. Hello, and welcome to this year's annual Convention of Genius! I am your host, Dr. Howard Howard, and-

Elliot Tracker: Wait! You have the same first and last name? That's ridiculous!

Howard Howard: (glaring) Just because I am a certified genius does not mean my parents were. Besides, Mr. Tracker, a little birdie told me that you have recently been going by your initials. E.T.? Interesting choice of nickname. (raises eyebrow)

E.T. sits back down in a huff.

Howard Howard: Excellent! Now that we are done discussing our namesakes, let's get down to business, shall we? Right. Are there any volunteers for discussion? Anyone?

Everyone stands up and waves their hands in the air. A chorus of "Ooh, me!" and "Me first, me first!" can be heard throughout the lecture hall. Howard Howard looks briefly bewildered, but shakes it off and picks a random name off the list of geniuses.

Howard Howard: Laurence Luellen?

Lawrence Luellen: Me? Oh, this is my lucky day!

He rushes to the podium and eagerly takes Howard's place. The audience waits breathlessly as shuffles his papers, places them on the podium, and begins talking.

Lawrence Luellen: Greetings, fellow geniuses! My name, as you all know, is Lawrence Luellen, and I have a solution to an age-old problem: what are we to hold our drinks in?

Everyone looks at each other with confused expressions. An awkward silence fills the room, until...

E.T.: Well, we DO have these things called cups. They tend to work very well for holding drinks, seeing as that's what they're made for.

Everyone laughs except for Lawrence, who frowns and shakes his head.

Lawrence Luellen: Yeah, but those cups are made of plastic and such, materials that are difficult and costly to make, right?

E.T.: What world are you living in? Plastic is cheap, and easy to make, clearly demonstrated by the fact that hundreds of thousands of cups are being made from it every day.

The room is filled with laughter again, excepting Lawrence, who is beginning to look very nervous.

Lawrence Luellen: B...But plastic is harmful to the environment!

E.T.: So, what? Are you pitching us an environmentally friendly cup? Recycled, perhaps?

The room laughs again, and Lawrence looks close to tears.

Lawrence Luellen:

Howard Howard: That's enough, E.T. Now, I suggest you let this man finish his discussion kindly or you shall be dismissed from this Convention!

E.T sulks.

Lawrence Luellen: Thank you. As I was saying, plastic is harmful to the environment. What I am proposing is a new type of cup, made of paper, to-

The room bursts into discussion, with shouts of "Paper hurts the environment too, genius!" and "That will never hold water!"

Lawrence Luellen: No, no! See, if you make it in a certain way-

Howard Howard puts his hand on Lawrence's shoulder and looks at him sadly.

Howard Howard: I think it would be best if you just went home, Mr. Luellen.

Lawrence Luellen: Wha- what? But I'm not finished! It's really a good idea!

Howard Howard: I'm sure it is. But the convention is in a stiff mood, and I'm afraid they won't allow you to finish your discussion anyway. Thank you for coming, and I wish you and your... paper cups... the best. I'll have my men escort you out.

Lawrence Luellen: B-but... wait! Wait, please! Give me a chance!

He is dragged away by security guards, still clutching his paper cup in his hand.

Lawrence Luellen: Fine! That's just fine! I'll show you! Paper cups will hit it big, and you'll be sorry! I'LL SHOW YOU!

Everyone watches silently as he is dragged out.

Howard Howard: Who's next?

Wasn't that....sad? I'm happy to say that is NOT a true story, though Lawrence Luellen really IS the inventor of the Dixie cup! See, I'm not afraid to do a little research for my readers! Really, though... PAPER cups? Be looking for a poll based off of this post, located at the bottom of the page. Try to actually vote this time, ok?

Also, don't forget to think up some theme songs! Here's the link to the song I thought of; tell me your thoughts!

The Great Blogzini predicts: Tomorrow night, you shall sneak out of your room to meet up with your secret pet cockatoo.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Theme Song!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, folks; no award or definition in this post! Just an update- but it's a really fascinating one! Ready? READY?!?! Oh, goodness, I'm excited. Here we go!

This blog needs a THEME SONG. Seriously. Every awesome thing has a theme song. Think about it: Kit-Kat bars, Harry Potter (and his Puppet Pals), even Swiffer! We need to think of something catchy. This is a life-or-death matter, people! Sort of... well, anyway, it can be anything! My first thought was pretty cheesy, but I'm gonna tell you anyway, because I am so pumped. How many of you have seen Veggie Tales? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Well, anyway, there's one episode with some giant pickle... I think it's Goliath, or something. And the little pea guys are sitting on top of this wall, taunting Larry by singing "Keep walking, but you won't knock down our wall! Keep walking, but she isn't gonna fall! It's plain to see your brains are very small, so keep walking! We'll be knocking down your wall." What if we changed walking to blogging? So it'd be like "Keep blogging! But you won't knock down our wall."

The problem with that one, however, is that it doesn't make any sense. Also, it refers to Veggie Tales, which refers to a particular religion, which is not what this blog is about. Soooooooooooo... I need ideas! It could be a completely new thing, or it could be based off an old thing! I don't care! Just be creative, and make it suit this blog. The theme song would be so much cooler if it came from the readers! I'm also asking for suggestions on Facebook, so you can post your ideas there also.


A Quest of Great Proportions

August- inspiring reverence or admiration.

The Walking Dictionary's Definition of the Day Award goes to: sliced bread!

Haven't you ever been asked to find the greatest thing since sliced bread? Everyone says it's such a great concept, that simply taking a good thing and changing it just slightly to make it better was genius. Frankly, I think it's just lazy. The only reason everyone LOVES sliced bread so much is because they don't have to slice it themselves! And it's ironic, really, because you know that, in these bread factories, they don't have workers slicing each individual loaf of bread. No! They have MACHINES to do it for them, therefore sliced bread is no longer such a great concept, because a new machine had to be invented in order to get the lazy people of Earth their pre-sliced bread. Jeez.

But I digress! Because I had a point, before all my seemingly pointless ranting. I have been challenged many times to find the greatest thing since sliced bread, always told that "it's the concept of changing an already great thing to make it better". Yeah, whatever. I still think the fridge is the greatest invention ever, but that doesn't apply to the concept. Moving on!

So, what has been changed and made better that people use all the time? Frankly, my first thought was Smoothies! It's all this wonderfully delicious fruit blended together to make something more delicious! Sliced bread worthy? But no. Because every invention out there is a combination of screws and bolts and whatever else. In fact, every invention is a smoothie of sorts! Except sliced bread. Hmmmm.....

You know what I just realized? I mean, I've known it all along, but the importance of it just came to me. Bread is MADE! You know? It doesn't grow on trees! It comes from wheat! And then they have to do all this stuff to make the wheat into bread! Therefore, our "greatest thing since sliced bread" can be an invention! As in, a heavy technological one that has been altered just slightly to make it better!

Well, this opens up a world of possibilities! It could be... let's see... a mini fridge! A fridge (greatest invention ever), but mini! Wait, that takes some effort.... How about silhouettes? We have some from when I was in fourth grade or so, and all the guy did was take some black paper and cut it to make something awesome! But I guess people don't really USE those... and not everyone has them. Ug!

This is more difficult then I thought... alright, why don't we make it a goal for you guys? I'll put up a poll and everything; all you have to do is leave comments with what you think the greatest thing since sliced bread is and why. Let's see how much participation we can round up here, shall we? Please, if you read this, leave a comment! It won't take more then a minute, and if you don't, you'll be as lazy as the people who love sliced bread so much.

The Great Blogzini predicts: You will be bitten by an vampire, but will find that YOU are already a magical creature when HE is transformed into a mini version of you! (I hope you're a fridge.)

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

There Are Times When I'm Just Too Emotional to Think of a Title

Flagitious- evil, sinful, immoral, etc.

The Walking Dictionary's Definition of the Day Award goes to: movie theaters!

Alright, I'm pumped, so let's get started. Movie theaters. Ug! First, there's the fact that those places are run by the biggest swindlers in the world. It's worse than going to a gas station after a hurricane! These people are charging TWELVE DOLLARS for a small popcorn and large drink! And I don't know what the prices are at YOUR theater, but mine costs ten dollars for ONE ticket to an evening show! Not to mention those boxes of candy they sell- those things cost more than the factory they come from. Next thing you know, these theaters are going to be changing the prices on movies depending on how good their ratings are!

But the insanity doesn't stop there. Oh, no! You see, they're already doing something like that at my movie theater. Except it isn't the cost that's affected by it; it's the times. You see, I was looking at times for a movie called The Soloist, because my friend and I really want to go see it. (Me mainly for Robert Downey Jr.) The only time it was playing today was 9:15 PM. Alright, ok, fine. Tomorrow: 9:15 PM. The next day: 9:15 PM. What the heck?!?!?!?! They are not playing this movie more than once per day? And at 9:15 AT NIGHT?!?!?! WHAT THE HECK! Oh, this movie isn't as successful as Terminator or Night at the Museum, so we're just going to play it at a very inconvient time? I don't understand it! They're swindlers, I tell you, SWINDLERS! I mean, I understand not playing it as much if it's not that successful, but wouldn't you put it in a better timeslot so more people would see it, making it A MORE SUCCESSFUL MOVIE? Idiots. Once again, I must refer to a favorite motto of mine: People are stupid. Simple as that.

The Great Blogzini predicts: You will join a rally of people with pitchforks and torches and race towards the nearest swimming pool, which you will then try to set on fire. Once thwarted, you will have a pitchfork battle underwater.

Note to reader:You know what I just realized? All of my predictions are somewhat violent. It's unintentional, I assure you.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Gather 'Round, Chill'uns...

Vacillating- indecisive, unclear, waffling, etc.

The Walking Dictionary's Definition of the Day Award goes to: online quizzes!

Let me spin you chill'uns a yarn, naw: Once up'n a time, in a galaxy far away, I went online to a popular site by the name o' Facebook. Naw, this here Facebook had a good amoun' o' quizzes on 'er, so I tried a few out for myself. Some o' 'em were fantastic! Dead-on, even. But some o' 'em were so far off I couldn'ta reached 'em with a 15 foot long pole! Why, I remember the day I......


Wha'? Wha' happen'd? Oh, yeah. My story. So, that there's why you should never climb a mountain with a pit bull. Naw, get outta here!


Oh, come on! Didn't you just love my imitation of an elderly redneck? No? Well... I suppose it was a little annoying. But hey! You should be proud I can still be so creative, what with all this blogging I'm doing! I believe it's been three days in a row now? And you didn't believe I could do it, did you?

But anyway, back to online quizzes. Ol' Grampa Joe had a point up there. I took a bunch of quizzes yesterday (for very important scientific research... certainly not because I was bored or anything) and got a variety of answers. Some were, well, dead-on, like the one that said my stereotype was a nerd. But then some were... simply amusing.

Example: I took a "Which Book Are You?" quiz a few days ago, thinking it would be fun, seeing as my friend got Winnie the Pooh as her answer. But when I took it? It told me I was THE TELL-TALE HEART!!! Because I'm CREEPY AND MYSTERIOUS!!!!!!!!!! I am NOT creepy or mysterious in the slightest! But according to a few of my friends, I am mysterious to people who I don't talk to in class. I'm not mysterious to them! I'm just the quiet one! But SOMEONE just wasn't satisfied with that answer, and just HAD to go around asking RANDOM PEOPLE I HAVE NEVER TALKED TO if they thought I was mysterious. The count is currently 10 For, 12 Against. Yeah, that's right.

Moving on. Another quiz I took today was the Rorschach Test, which is the thing with the little inkblots. Except it had inkblots in your result, not the questions. Whatever, I don't get it. But it told me I was tormented!!! Me! Tormented! Here, I can post the exact result:

You live a semi-normal life on the outside, but on the inside you have problems. Most of your life will be a long and painful trip, but at some point you will find happiness, so hang in there.

Problems. Long and painful trip. And they expect me to hang in there?!?!?!?! Losers. The people who make these quizzes are like the people who make fortune cookies. They have no idea what they're talking about.

The Great Blogzini predicts: You will experiance a blinding flash of white light, then realize that, by some unknown miracle, you have accepted the fact that brownies are awesome.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Prodigious Puppets! How Exciting!

Prodigious- wonderful, marvelous, awesome, etc.

The Walking Dictionary's Definition of the Day Award goes to: puppets!

For those of you who think that puppets are only for children and clowns, let me assure you of your total incorrectness! Have you SEEN Harry Potter Puppet Pals? (If the answer is no, navigate away from this blog right now and go look it up on YouTube. HP Puppet Pals is way more important than this.) Even if you don't like The Boy Who Lived, or haven't read the series/seen the movies, it's hysterical!!! In fact, my D.I. (Destination Imagination- you see why we abbreviate) team likes it so much, we based our entire challenge around it! (If you don't know what D.I. is, you pretty much pick a challenge that is either technical, performance, or a mix of the two, and spend a super long time working on it.)

But this entry isn't just about HP Puppet Pals. There are many other examples of awesome puppets. Just look at Sesame Street, or The Muppets! Where would the children of today be without the guidance of Elmo and Kermit, even if certain parents have issues with Cookie Monster's overindulgent eating habits and force his name to be changed to "Veggie Monster", killing certain bloggers spirits... but anyway!

You know what's great about finger puppets? The floppy arms. They simply would not be as enjoyable if their arms didn't flop around. Can't you just imagine the dramatic sound effects when you see them?


I know I do.

The Great Blogzini predicts: You shall have the theme from "Jaws" stuck in your head for the rest of the day. SWIM AWAY!

Monday, May 18, 2009

Point of View SWITCH

Crimped- frustrated, aggravated, thwarted, etc.

The Walking Dictionary's Definition of the Day Award goes to: housecats!

HOW can they be crimped, you ask? Why, housecats have the perfect lives! They get to lounge around all day, lazily flicking their tails at the inferior beings that dote on them as they wolf down their "gourmet" wet food. They jump on fake mice and roll around in cat nip all day! They're entertained by a simple, mini laser beam, for crying out loud!!! HOW could they POSSIBLY be crimped?

Ah, my uninformed friends. You clearly have not lived with cats your entire lives, as I have. You have not had the many years of experience with them as I do. You see, cats may seem quite content with their seemingly simple lives. But it's all a facade! If you will simply walk in their paws for just a few minutes.........

A hazy fog fills the air as you are suddenly transformed into a housecat.

How lovely! you think to yourself. A patch of sun on the floor. I think I shall flop in it.

You proceed to lay down with a heavy thud in a warm spot of sunlight near the front door. Suddenly, one of your humans comes and opens the door. You immediately jump up and sprint to the opening, seeing the far-off horizon that holds your freedom. No more waiting for the right time of day to get that nice patch of sun! Once outside, you'll be able to


You ran straight into a magical, invisible wall. You hear the humans laugh as they gasp the word "glass". What is this magic? It appears the outdoors is right at your pawtips, but try as you might, you can't get through this "glass". What havoc have these humans wreaked? They must be destroyed!


You sit silently for weeks, staring the humans down, plotting your revenge. Oh, you try to spite them in many ways: only eating specific wet foods, and jumping in their seat right before they sit down. And no more do you give them the pleasure of sitting in their laps. No, no! They must suffer your intolerable shunning.

But still, it is not enough for the crime they have committed by placing that impenetrable glass wall in the doorway. Day in and day out, you try and try to break through, but you can't. The stupid humans laugh at you, thinking you just haven't learned that you can't get through, that you're an idiot. But it's not that you haven't learned; it's that you haven't given up hope of someday escaping the small title of a housecat.

Why do you want to leave, anyway? You have a nice bed, delicious food, and people who might as well be your slaves, they're so willing to serve you. To any other creature, it would feel like their own little kingdom. But you housecats know you were meant for bigger and better things! Forget a couple humans; the whole world should be waiting on you! Why do incompetent humans rule, when clearly you are the more skilled and useful of the two races. Of all the races, actually! You were meant to rule! You must be king (or queen)! You (oof) must (umph) break (uff) through (omph) this (ow) GLASS! (the glass wall disappears)

... You did it?...


(You are snatched and shoved in a cage, which is then put in a car and driven to the vet.)


*Bows* Thank you, thank you, one and all! That should be a play on Broadway. But anyway, a couple of important announcements. (Well, actually, they're not all that important, but oh well!) First of all, I have changed my profile picture, because I saw someone else who had the same one as me. Not cool. Anyway, I think the new one is better despite that, so check it out if you want.

Also, you know that link I have on my page for The Adventure of Zarutha, the most random story on Earth? Well, I'm taking it down, and here's why. My mom wants me to work on some writing this summer (other than my blog, I guess), so I thought starting over with Zarutha and making it longer and more complex would be the most fun way to do that. I don't want anyone mooching off my ideas or anything, so I won't be posting any of my work (don't ask me to, either). So, yeah.

Oh yeah! I am on summer break now, so expect more frequent posting. I will try my hardest to post at least twice a week, but we all know how unmotivated I am when it comes to this sort of thing.

Last thing: I will be putting a new poll up, so please vote! I don't know what it will be yet; I'll just make something up off the top of my head. Gracias!

The Great Blogzini predicts: You will buy a new booklight, rub it, and accidentally release a genie from it. Good job.