Wednesday, August 12, 2009


Why, HELLO, there, my dear readers! Did you miss me? Did ya? Did ya?

Hmph. Well, anyway, I'm sure you've figured out by now, clever as you are, that my disappearance from the blogging world for the past month or so was a marvelous ploy to build up your anticipation for a new post, thereby increasing the number of hits I get when I actually do post something. It most certainly was not because I got lazy and didn't feel like being creative. Oh, no. That would never happen.

As you can see, today's post is out of the usual format. Why, you ask? Well, because... because school starts tomorrow.

(Let the horrific screams ensue.)

Yes, yes, it is MOST terrible, because it means I won't be able to blog nearly as much as I did this summer. (Which, I suppose, really wasn't that much at all.) And, seeing as I will be restricted to essay formats and very particular math formulas, etc etc, for the next 9 1/2 months, I deemed it appropriate for this post to break the usual mold. Are you following? Grand.

So, what to blog about? What seemingly unimportant factoid can I bring up for discussion? What can I rant about for the next four or five paragraphs? Hmmmmmm...

It's not that hard, actually. I was talking to my sister the other day about an item. I was telling her that this item is so underappreciated, it's completely ridiculous! We use this item EVERY SINGLE DAY, yet do we have a national holiday for it? No. Does anyone ever give thanks for it? No. Does anyone EVER think that maybe they should write a grateful blog for it? No. That is, until now, of course.

You see, my dear readers, this horrendously abused item is the oh-so-common household chair.

Ah, it all makes sense now, you are thinking. But does it? Do you truly understand how much we owe the chair? Think about it: Right now, you are probably sitting on a chair while you read this. I am sitting on a chair while I type it. If we didn't have chairs, we would be forced to sit on the cold, hard floor, with our backs against the wall and a frown on our faces. Sound good to you? I didn't think so.

No one even bothers to learn the history of the chair! It probably dates back to the caveman days, where they sat on big boulders. Hey, it was comfier than the floor, even then! I think I should do a little research for this post. Let's journey to the land of Google, shall we?


Oh, WOW. All of you need to go to Wikipedia and search for "chair". It is the funniest thing you will ever read. Seriously. It goes into all this detail about the different types of chairs. Here's a lovely snippet:

"A chair is raised surface used to sit on, commonly for use by one person. Chairs often have the seat raised above floor level, supported by four legs. A chair without a back or arm rests is a stool, or when raised up, a bar stool (adults) or high chair (young children). A chair with arms is an armchair and with folding action and inclining footrest, a recliner. A permanently fixed chair in a train or theater is a seat or airline seat; when riding, it is a saddle and bicycle saddle, and for an automobile, a car seat or infant car seat. With wheels it is a wheelchair and when hung from above, a swing."

I think my favorite part of that was when it was describing the recliner. FOLDING ACTION! That sounds like one of those superhero figurines with "rapid web-slinging action!" or "real back-flipping action!" Can you imagine a superhero recliner? I can. The eyes would be right in the center, where there are sometimes those big buttons, you know? And then the bottom cusion could move up and down as the mouth. No nose. What superhero have you seen that really needs a nose?

And of course it would have a cape. All good heroes have capes. Who cares what The Incredibles say about capes being the reason for so many superhero deaths? If it swishes in the wind dramatically, it's a good thing. Duh.

You know what? Who says there can't be a super recliner? Hmm? HMMM? Not me! I say, if you have a recliner at home, make it super! Grab some googly eyes and a towel (a real cape would be better, but I suppose not many of you have one). Stick 'em on your recliner, lift the bottom cusion up a bit, and WHAM, you've got a recliner that knows how to save the day! However, when you put the superhero accessories on, you may want to refrain from using glue. Somehow I don't think the 'rents would be happy if Super-Expensive Recliner had googly eyes and glue stains on it the rest of its life. Use tape instead!

AND if you guys are really super awesome and actually MAKE a Super Recliner and send me pictures, I will most definitely post them on this blog. AND if I get more than one picture, I'll have a little contest to see which one is best. You can send your entries to So be creative! We don't want them all to look the same, do we? NO! So go, scatter! Make me some heroes!

Meanwhile, maybe Super Recliner can save me from that disastrous, dreaded villain: School.

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