Saturday, June 27, 2009

Harry Potter and the Mood Elevator

Confounding- astounding, wondrous, etc.

The Walking Dictionary's Definition of the Day Award goes to: Human Resources! (HR)

You see, my dad works in HR, and every once in a while they have to go through training sessions to make sure they're on top of things. This week's session was based around (bum buh DA) THE MOOD ELEVATOR.

What is the mood elevator, you ask? Well, well, it is only the core of the human operating system! (No joke; this is honestly what they were told in their training session.) There are many levels on the mood elevator, ranging anywhere from Content or Happy to flat-out ANGRY. Grrrr! And right smack-dab in the middle is Curious. Curious is considered neutral because you neither like nor dislike something. You're just curious!


I know, right? Who comes up with this stuff?

Now, I have recently been on a Harry Potter kick, as I want to re-read the series before the new movie comes out. And I think the mood elevator sounds like another adventure in the HP series! In fact, it might just be fun to see what happens in:

Book 8: Harry Potter and the Mood Elevator

(In the scene are Harry, Ron, and Hermione. They are standing in a seemingly normal elevator...)

Ron: Where are we going today, Harry?

Harry: Dumbledore told me that this elevator has mystical powers, and that we shouldn't go anywhere near it. I thought it might be fun to explore it!

Hermione: Oooh, but Harry! We're probably breaking dozens of rules, not to mention that this could be cursed by a Dark Wizard, or...

Ron: Oh, lighten up, Hermione! It's just a bit of fun! Let's see where it goes!

(Ron walks over to the buttons, but stops when he hears...)

Neville: NO!

(Harry, Ron, and Hermione all jump and turn to face him.)

Harry: Neville! What are you doing here?

Neville: I overheard you talking about an elevator. My grandmother had told me about this one. She... she said it's dangerous!

Ron: Neville, your grandmother thinks everything is dangerous. She should have tea with Hermione someday! They'd get along well, don't you think?

(Hermione glares.)

Hermione: Oh, MOVE! I'll push the buttons myself!

(Neville trembles.)

Hermione: That's funny... it doesn't have the name of the floors...

Ron: So, what? Does that make it dangerous?

(Hermione hesitates, about to say something, but...)

Harry: Oh, c'mon, Hermione! Look, we'll just push the one.

(Harry pushes one of the buttons. The elevator vibrates, but doesn't seem to be moving up or down.)

Ron: W-what just happened?

Harry: I don't know... but wasn't it great!

Hermione: Oh, yes, Harry! That was fantastic! Let's do it again, shall we?

Neville: Oh, NO...

Ron: Come off it, Neville; what's wrong? Aren't you excited? That was so fun!

Neville: I t-tried to tell you! This is the Mood Elevator! Every button you push changes your mood. I g-guess you pushed Excitement.

Harry: Really? That's fascinating! I wonder what the other buttons are!

(He pushes another. The elevator vibrates again.)

Hermione: Interesting... I wonder how this works? 

Ron: Yeah... do you reckon it's very old magic?

Harry: (looking at Neville's feet) Neville, where in the world did you get those shoes? 

Neville: Oh... you m-must have hit the C-curious button. 

Hermione: Neville... why aren't YOU being affected by the elevator?

Neville: Oh, Gran put a charm on me to protect me. 

Ron: I don't know why you would need protecting. This elevator is probably one of the greatest wizard inventions ever! I should look into it's design and tell Dad...

Harry: I wonder what these other buttons do...

(He pushes another one, and the elevator vibrates once again. Hermione starts screaming loudly.)

Harry: What is it, Hermione?!

Hermione: Look! LOOK! There's a fly in here! (She screams again.)

(Ron and Harry spot the fly and drop to the floor, screaming as well.)

Neville: Oh, no! Terror... you pushed Terror! 

(He hurries over to the buttons and pushes one.)

Ron: Wow, Neville! That was really brave of you-

Harry: -we never would have been able to do that on our own, excellent job-

Hermione: -you're a hero, Neville! Thank you ever so much!

(They all give Neville a giant group hug.)

Neville: Oh. G-grateful. This might not be too bad...

(He presses the OPEN DOOR button and walks out, Harry, Ron, and Hermione still thanking him whole-heartedly. However, standing in front of them is none other than a very angry Gran.)

Gran: NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM! How DARE you try to walk off without resetting these poor children's emotions! You're supposed to be their friend, and I simply can not believe that you would-

Harry: Oh, no, Mrs. Longbottom, Neville's a great friend-

Ron: -we wouldn't trade him for the world, he's spectacular-

Hermione: -it'd be excellent if he could stay with us for the summer, can he-

(Gran glowers at Neville, then waves her wand at the trio. They appear briefly dazed before turning to Neville.)

Ron: Well, what'd you do that for?!

Harry: We sounded like idiots, Neville! Were you really going to leave us like that?

Hermione: Really, Neville, it was very inconsiderate, and people would have noticed eventually.

Gran: Well? What do you have to say for yourself?

(Neville's eyes dart from face to face anxiously before he runs suddenly back into the elevator, removing the charm on himself as the doors close. Two minutes later, he exits the elevator and walks back to the group.)

Neville: What are you looking at me like that for?

Gran: You're in serious trouble, young man?

Neville: Am I? I don't remember...

Hermione: Oh, NO! He must have pushed the Forgetful button!

(Everyone groans except Neville, who asks-)

Neville: Oooh, look! An elevator! Wonder where it goes?

Monday, June 22, 2009

Hello, my dear readers! I am ever so sorry I haven't blogged in a while; I've been a tad bit busy. But no matter! Because I am back and pumped for ACTION! Yeah! 

Why is this, you ask? Because I am mixing it up today (and you guys know how much I LOVE to mix things up.) No awards, no definitions; today is all about COMMERCIALS.

Yes! Commercials! Arguably the most interesting things on television! I've been wanting to do this for a while... OOH, I'm so excited! See, what we'll be doing is exploring the realm of commercials! We'll pick out the funniest ones, the ones that have the best music, and the ones that just don't make any sense. Oh, and let me just be clear that I am NOT advertising any of these things. I probably haven't used any of them, so don't go buy this stuff because you think I told you to, because I'm not. I just think their commercials are funny. Alright! Shall we begin? I think we shall! 

This first commercial is from a series of similar ones that are all equally as funny. (Oh, and I'm sorry I have to post these as links. Blogspot isn't letting me upload videos.

I love the bald guy's bowtie. 

Next is the ever-so-popular talking baby commercials! Seriously, if you HAVEN'T seen these yet, you've been living under a rock. I'm actually going to post two of these, because I just can't decide which I like better.

See, the first one supports those of us who have an irrational fear of clowns (and I do believe that is a very large group). But the second one... all I can say is WOW. Awesome.

This next one was actually the #1 funniest commercial in... some... countdown of funny commercials! I find it extraordinarily funny myself, seeing as my dad cracks these jokes around the house 24/7. But I digress.

And I am ABSOLUTELY not encouraging you to buy beer, seeing as most of you are my age. So don't. Bleh.

I think I will post a couple with music I enjoy. In these, focus on the MUSIC. Though maybe I'll be able to whip up some sarcastic tidbits about them, anyway.

Why, yes! I do have sarcastic tidbits to share! I would like to know WHERE they got all this gigantic fruit. You always see it in commercials, and there was even one in High School Musical 2! (For those who care, and I truly hope you don't, it's the scene where Sharpay is singing "Fabulous".) I do love the music in this commercial, though, so I won't bash it too hard. 

I actually downloaded the song from this next one, and have learned that it is the happiest, most optimistic song EVER MADE. It inspired me to make a Happy Playlist on my iPod. I'll post the rest of the song below the video, so you can hear what I mean.

Hmmm... I promised you some just plain stupid ones, but I can't think of any off the top of my head. Can I leave it to you, readers? You've been getting better at responding to my pleads for help, but you're not quite there yet... I suppose it IS for your own enjoyment, so if you guys want funny commercials to watch, tell your friends and have them send links to me! You know what to do- post your links in the comment box if you have any. I won't beg; it's your loss if you don't!

I hope you guys liked this commercial break. (Ha ha ha! I'm so funny.... ahem.) This is the part where I DO beg. PLEASE give me feedback! For once in your lives! Just let me know what you think! It's really not that hard! I really don't mind if you didn't like it; that's what I need to know! So, go! Flee! Comment! NOW! 

Saturday, June 13, 2009

The Convention of Genius

Before we get started, I have a few updates regarding past posts. First off, the poll "Do you think it's possible to find the greatest thing since sliced bread?" is now closed, with a grand total of two votes! Wow, you guys. Way to put out some effort. I'm so proud. However, I AM glad to say that I got a few suggestions for the greatest thing since... well, you know. None of them really worked, but I could see you were trying, and that's awesome. Seriously, reader participation makes this blog so much better.

Secondly, we STILL have not found a theme song! I've been told it needs to be something random, like this blog, but other than that, nothing specific... Actually, that's not true. Someone DID recommend particular songs by a particular artist who name escapes me right now, but the link she gave me didn't actually play the music. So, please, suggestions are still welcome, and make sure you give me a link where I can hear the music. I myself have one idea, based off the random thing, so I will post a link to that at the bottom of this post. That's all I've got update-wise, SO...

useless, weak, feeble, hopeless, etc.

The Walking Dictionary's Definition of the Day Award goes to: paper cups!

Yesterday, I got some lunch from McDonald's. They make delicious chicken, even if it IS really bad for you. As I sat in my living room, eating my McNuggets, watching some Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I noticed something as I picked up my cup. There was condensation! As in, wetness! Water! Liquid! All over the coaster!

Now, I realize this tends to happen with EVERY cup. That's why you USE coasters- to prevent the condensation from leaving rings on the table. But this was not your ordinary ring of dampness. Oh, no. This was a PUDDLE. The entire coaster was covered in water! There was no neat, little ring, just a blob!

So, that brings me to the question: WHO thought paper cups were a good idea? Everyone knows that paper+liquid=disaster! Go toss a book in a pool and tell me I'm wrong. (Don't really do that; the book didn't do anything to you, did it, now?) So WHY WHY WHY would you make a cup to hold LIQUIDS in out of the one thing that absolutely can not hold it? It makes as much sense as making a jacket out of snowballs; it just doesn't work!

I believe it is time for one of my very fun (and lengthy) dialogs!

The Convention of Genius

An annual event, during which all the geniuses in the world gather to discuss urgent matters, argue for no apparent reason, and drink some tea.

Howard Howard: Order! Order! As organizer of this convention, I call you to order! Don't make me use big words now, people! Order!

A quiet falls over the convention. A lecture hall is filled to the brim with geniuses from around the world, all sporting their signature "Hello, My Name is Genius" badges. Howard Howard stands at a podium at the front of the room, and begins to speak.

Howard Howard: Thank you. Hello, and welcome to this year's annual Convention of Genius! I am your host, Dr. Howard Howard, and-

Elliot Tracker: Wait! You have the same first and last name? That's ridiculous!

Howard Howard: (glaring) Just because I am a certified genius does not mean my parents were. Besides, Mr. Tracker, a little birdie told me that you have recently been going by your initials. E.T.? Interesting choice of nickname. (raises eyebrow)

E.T. sits back down in a huff.

Howard Howard: Excellent! Now that we are done discussing our namesakes, let's get down to business, shall we? Right. Are there any volunteers for discussion? Anyone?

Everyone stands up and waves their hands in the air. A chorus of "Ooh, me!" and "Me first, me first!" can be heard throughout the lecture hall. Howard Howard looks briefly bewildered, but shakes it off and picks a random name off the list of geniuses.

Howard Howard: Laurence Luellen?

Lawrence Luellen: Me? Oh, this is my lucky day!

He rushes to the podium and eagerly takes Howard's place. The audience waits breathlessly as shuffles his papers, places them on the podium, and begins talking.

Lawrence Luellen: Greetings, fellow geniuses! My name, as you all know, is Lawrence Luellen, and I have a solution to an age-old problem: what are we to hold our drinks in?

Everyone looks at each other with confused expressions. An awkward silence fills the room, until...

E.T.: Well, we DO have these things called cups. They tend to work very well for holding drinks, seeing as that's what they're made for.

Everyone laughs except for Lawrence, who frowns and shakes his head.

Lawrence Luellen: Yeah, but those cups are made of plastic and such, materials that are difficult and costly to make, right?

E.T.: What world are you living in? Plastic is cheap, and easy to make, clearly demonstrated by the fact that hundreds of thousands of cups are being made from it every day.

The room is filled with laughter again, excepting Lawrence, who is beginning to look very nervous.

Lawrence Luellen: B...But plastic is harmful to the environment!

E.T.: So, what? Are you pitching us an environmentally friendly cup? Recycled, perhaps?

The room laughs again, and Lawrence looks close to tears.

Lawrence Luellen:

Howard Howard: That's enough, E.T. Now, I suggest you let this man finish his discussion kindly or you shall be dismissed from this Convention!

E.T sulks.

Lawrence Luellen: Thank you. As I was saying, plastic is harmful to the environment. What I am proposing is a new type of cup, made of paper, to-

The room bursts into discussion, with shouts of "Paper hurts the environment too, genius!" and "That will never hold water!"

Lawrence Luellen: No, no! See, if you make it in a certain way-

Howard Howard puts his hand on Lawrence's shoulder and looks at him sadly.

Howard Howard: I think it would be best if you just went home, Mr. Luellen.

Lawrence Luellen: Wha- what? But I'm not finished! It's really a good idea!

Howard Howard: I'm sure it is. But the convention is in a stiff mood, and I'm afraid they won't allow you to finish your discussion anyway. Thank you for coming, and I wish you and your... paper cups... the best. I'll have my men escort you out.

Lawrence Luellen: B-but... wait! Wait, please! Give me a chance!

He is dragged away by security guards, still clutching his paper cup in his hand.

Lawrence Luellen: Fine! That's just fine! I'll show you! Paper cups will hit it big, and you'll be sorry! I'LL SHOW YOU!

Everyone watches silently as he is dragged out.

Howard Howard: Who's next?

Wasn't that....sad? I'm happy to say that is NOT a true story, though Lawrence Luellen really IS the inventor of the Dixie cup! See, I'm not afraid to do a little research for my readers! Really, though... PAPER cups? Be looking for a poll based off of this post, located at the bottom of the page. Try to actually vote this time, ok?

Also, don't forget to think up some theme songs! Here's the link to the song I thought of; tell me your thoughts!

The Great Blogzini predicts: Tomorrow night, you shall sneak out of your room to meet up with your secret pet cockatoo.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Theme Song!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, folks; no award or definition in this post! Just an update- but it's a really fascinating one! Ready? READY?!?! Oh, goodness, I'm excited. Here we go!

This blog needs a THEME SONG. Seriously. Every awesome thing has a theme song. Think about it: Kit-Kat bars, Harry Potter (and his Puppet Pals), even Swiffer! We need to think of something catchy. This is a life-or-death matter, people! Sort of... well, anyway, it can be anything! My first thought was pretty cheesy, but I'm gonna tell you anyway, because I am so pumped. How many of you have seen Veggie Tales? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Well, anyway, there's one episode with some giant pickle... I think it's Goliath, or something. And the little pea guys are sitting on top of this wall, taunting Larry by singing "Keep walking, but you won't knock down our wall! Keep walking, but she isn't gonna fall! It's plain to see your brains are very small, so keep walking! We'll be knocking down your wall." What if we changed walking to blogging? So it'd be like "Keep blogging! But you won't knock down our wall."

The problem with that one, however, is that it doesn't make any sense. Also, it refers to Veggie Tales, which refers to a particular religion, which is not what this blog is about. Soooooooooooo... I need ideas! It could be a completely new thing, or it could be based off an old thing! I don't care! Just be creative, and make it suit this blog. The theme song would be so much cooler if it came from the readers! I'm also asking for suggestions on Facebook, so you can post your ideas there also.


A Quest of Great Proportions

August- inspiring reverence or admiration.

The Walking Dictionary's Definition of the Day Award goes to: sliced bread!

Haven't you ever been asked to find the greatest thing since sliced bread? Everyone says it's such a great concept, that simply taking a good thing and changing it just slightly to make it better was genius. Frankly, I think it's just lazy. The only reason everyone LOVES sliced bread so much is because they don't have to slice it themselves! And it's ironic, really, because you know that, in these bread factories, they don't have workers slicing each individual loaf of bread. No! They have MACHINES to do it for them, therefore sliced bread is no longer such a great concept, because a new machine had to be invented in order to get the lazy people of Earth their pre-sliced bread. Jeez.

But I digress! Because I had a point, before all my seemingly pointless ranting. I have been challenged many times to find the greatest thing since sliced bread, always told that "it's the concept of changing an already great thing to make it better". Yeah, whatever. I still think the fridge is the greatest invention ever, but that doesn't apply to the concept. Moving on!

So, what has been changed and made better that people use all the time? Frankly, my first thought was Smoothies! It's all this wonderfully delicious fruit blended together to make something more delicious! Sliced bread worthy? But no. Because every invention out there is a combination of screws and bolts and whatever else. In fact, every invention is a smoothie of sorts! Except sliced bread. Hmmmm.....

You know what I just realized? I mean, I've known it all along, but the importance of it just came to me. Bread is MADE! You know? It doesn't grow on trees! It comes from wheat! And then they have to do all this stuff to make the wheat into bread! Therefore, our "greatest thing since sliced bread" can be an invention! As in, a heavy technological one that has been altered just slightly to make it better!

Well, this opens up a world of possibilities! It could be... let's see... a mini fridge! A fridge (greatest invention ever), but mini! Wait, that takes some effort.... How about silhouettes? We have some from when I was in fourth grade or so, and all the guy did was take some black paper and cut it to make something awesome! But I guess people don't really USE those... and not everyone has them. Ug!

This is more difficult then I thought... alright, why don't we make it a goal for you guys? I'll put up a poll and everything; all you have to do is leave comments with what you think the greatest thing since sliced bread is and why. Let's see how much participation we can round up here, shall we? Please, if you read this, leave a comment! It won't take more then a minute, and if you don't, you'll be as lazy as the people who love sliced bread so much.

The Great Blogzini predicts: You will be bitten by an vampire, but will find that YOU are already a magical creature when HE is transformed into a mini version of you! (I hope you're a fridge.)