Sunday, February 22, 2009

I LOVE Confusing People!

Perturbation- distress, confusion, anxiety, etc.

The Walking Dictionary's Definition of the Day Award goes to: dynamite!!!!

I don't understand how this one DOESN'T make sense. Go up to someone, light a stick of dynamite in their face, and lock the door behind you*. WOLLA! Perturbation is your result.

In fact, if you just go up to someone and shout "DYNAMITE!", the result is, once again, perturbation, even if there really isn't dynamite anywhere around.**

Or maybe you could just walk up to someone calmly and ask them for their thoughts on dynamite. They will most likely be confused and wonder why this person is asking them about explosives. Let's experiment, shall we?

I shall ask my sister, Nicole, for her thoughts on dynamite. This may not have the same effect as asking a random person on the street, as she is somewhat used to my randomness, but hey! Why not?

Me: Hey, Nicole? What are your thoughts on dynamite?

Nicole: (gives me a weird look) It explodes. Why? 

(brief pause)

Nicole: That sounds like something you should ask Jack (her nearly-pyromaniac friend), not me.

Me: Mmmm. True. Anything else you think about it?

Nicole: (rolls eyes)

I feel loved. BY THE WAY, I have gotten no responses to my goal for you guys, which was to find the weirdest obsession you could. Or any votes on my poll. Does anyone even read this thing anymore? Or am I just ranting to myself? Either way is fine with me, but I would prefer the first option. Looks like I have to harass my friends again. (Sigh)

The Great Blogzini predicts: Your foot shall be chewed on by a friendly mushroom this week.



Thursday, February 19, 2009

Drugs? Naw. Hippos, man. HIPPOS.

Wonted- addicting, reoccurring, chronic, etc.

The Walking Dictionary's Definition of the Day Award goes to: EVERYTHING.

OK, I would first like to point out that this definition is not completely correct. See, I was looking up synonyms for addicting, and according to certain websites, addicting and reoccurring mean the same thing... WHICH THEY DON'T. I should know. And though wonted resembles reoccurring more than addicting, we are just gonna go with it, because wonted is a cool word. Go on. Just say it. WONTED. Lovely, isn't it?

Anyway, I was going to blog about how addicting this game called BMTron is. My friends on the school's newspaper staff with me introduced it to me, and I now walk into first period everyday shouting "BMTRON! BMTRON! BMTRON!" causing the six of us to huddle together in front of one computer, getting various cramps and complaining about sharp elbows, but having fun all the same. Which is very weird, because certain people on this staff do not particularly get along, but when we play this game, its almost like they (gulp) like each other.

But ANYWAY, then I realized there are many other things I am addicted to: chocolate, The Killers, books, The Killers, air, The Killers... did I mention The Killers? And THEN I realized that everyone in the world has an addiction of some sort (no, I do not mean drug-wise. Loonies.). I mean, someone out there probably is addicted to socks, and someone else may have an irrational love for Swiss cheese! I have a challenge for you, readers: go find the weirdest obsession out there. Whoever finds the weirdest one shall get an entire blog dedicated to them, including what their discovered obsession was and a not-so-true story as to how they found it. Sound good? Fantastic. Get on that, then.

I think the coolest thing anyone could be addicted to is hippos. I mean, who doesn't love hippos? Though does anyone know their actual color? Because I frequently see them portrayed as purple and pink, and this simply can not be. Are they gray? Black? Maybe the people who paint them purple and pink and who knows what other colors is not so far off. Maybe there is a secret species of hippos hidden from everyone but a select few. Maybe these hippos really are fuchsia or aquamarine. Maybe the reason they are hidden is because they have magical powers flowing through their veins, and if people found out about them, they would hunt them down for the powerful magic. And maybe, just maybe, some of the select few were not chosen well, and they tried to tell the world about the hippos through their colorful pictures, but no one ever got the message... until now, that is. Oh my goodness, what have I done? GUYS! DO NOT HUNT THE MAGICAL HIPPOS! Or any hippos, actually. That would just be ridiculously not awesome.

The Great Blogzini predicts: You shall get a sudden, extremely painful twinge in your hand within the next week. Little will you know that this is a sign of your hand growing its own mind. (Bum bum buuuuuuuum)

Saturday, February 14, 2009

I Have an Idea for QVC...

Tenacious- strong, unyielding, determined, etc.

The Walking Dictionary's Definition of the Day Award
goes to: Animal Planet!

I hope you came prepared to learn new things and be amused and/or disturbed, because today's award explanation will surely blow your minds in 3...2...1...

Just a few minutes ago, I was lying on my extremely comfortable couch (still am, actually... yay, Saturdays!) when my dad flipped on Animal Planet. They were showing a two-hour segment called Cats 101, and were talking about Persian cats when we started watching. (In case you don't know which ones are the Persians, they're the really pretty long-haired ones with the big eyes. Not ringing a bell? Go experience the wonders of Google.)

An interview with a professional cat groomer came onto the screen. The groomer was telling everyone just how BEAUTIFUL she though Persians were, and how she had two of her own, and why she thought it was SUCH a waste to throw the fur away after she shaves the cats. I was barely listening, but when I heard her next sentence, I just about died.

"I make their fur into handbags!"

WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Why would you... wait a second.... just how do you... I mean, who would.... WHAT?

My reaction exactly. And after the shocked and senseless stuttering...


After the maniacal laughter, I could form coherent thoughts and questions, such as: Are you SERIOUS? Where did they find this woman? Who actually buys these purses? And why, why, WHY would you buy one in the first place?

All of those questions were answered, my dear cauliflowers. Yes, they WERE, in fact, serious. They were so serious that they actually took the time to show me one of this woman's customers. As she sat there, lovingly stroking her Persian and the handbag made of her beloved cat's hair, she said something SO LOVING that it has been forever branded in my brain:

"I absolutely love my handbag, because when it comes time to put my cat to sleep, I will always have a piece of him with me."

Excuse me for a moment....

laughs maniacally... again

And now, we come to the most important question of all: Where did they find these people? I suppose I lied when I said all of my questions were answered. I do not know how they came by these... colorful people. But the fact that they DID find them reveals something to me that explains today's award: Animal Planet CLEARLY looks for interesting things to spice up their shows. They are SO anxious to find one, so TENACIOUS (wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more, say no more) that they will scrutinize the country thoroughly until characters such as these are revealed to the world in a blaze of cat-shaving, creepy-handbag-making
glory. Huzzah, my friends, and cheers to them.

The Great Blogzini predicts: Your computer will be inducted into the Guiness Book of World Record for being the only computer ever to be sat upon by an African elephant. Congrats!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009


Macabre- eerie, creepy, ghoulish, deathly, etc.

The Walking Dictionary's Definition of the Day Award goes to: Beanie Babies!

WHAT? you say. Beanie Babies? Those little stuffed animals that you can get for only a few bucks? Those things are my heroes! How could they be creepy? Ok, before we start, I have to ask: if you are still questioning my logic after reading my blog this long, why are you here? But now! Come, and let me enlighten you.

First of all, their name tags come out of their butts. Seriously! No joke! I am looking at three right now (they are orange, gray, and brown cats named Amber, Silver, and Pounce. Ooooh, creative.) I ask you, how is that natural? Really? This must be confusing some poor kids intensely. I, at least, find it somewhat ODD. My cat, after all, does not have a name tag ANYWHERE, let alone his backside. Goodness.

Second of all, have you ever looked straight into one's eyes? No? Go do it. You'll get my point.

Last, but certainly not least, I mentioned before in your supposed thoughts that these cheap little babies of bean can sell for only a few dollars (unless you are one of those people who sells your super old ones for a hundred big ones on eBay). So how is it that something so cheap can become such a huge franchise? Its like Papermate pencils or beef jerky... but worse! There has to be a hidden explanation... I am thinking mind control. I can picture that meeting now... (hope you guys missed my dialogs)

Beanie Baby C.E.O: So, we've got the basic idea down: a twist on the classic stuffed animal. Beans instead of fluff! It's genius! Any more ideas?

Beanie Baby Chief Engineer: Well, I have some ideas that are sure to boost our sales.

C.E.O: Go on.

Engineer: I was kind of thinking we could give the animals these huge, staring eyes, and behind those eyes? A high-tech, state of the art mind control contraption. Anyone who looks into the eyes (which will be unavoidable because they will be so remarkably large) will immediately feel compelled to buy more and tell their friends! With this hidden addition, our company will grow to be unbelievably successful!

C.E.O: Brilliant! But what happens after the business takes off?

Engineer: ... How does world domination sound?

The Great Blogzini predicts: You shall be struck silent by the realization that you are not a headless chicken.

Thursday, February 5, 2009


Goldbrick- a slacker, bum, goof-off, avoider, etc.

The Walking Dictionary's Definition of the Day Award goes to: me!

Yeah, yeah, sorry folks; I haven't blogged in FOREVER! But don't think I've gone unpunished. My page hits have suffered dramatically. You know the current economy recession? Yeah, its like that, but in the page views genre.

So, to catch you up, I will list five things I might have blogged about at some point this week if I wasn't being lazy. I will then write a paragraph (and who KNOWS the definition of paragraph in my mind? It could go on for two sentences, or maybe twenty.) about each one, the effect being the little satisfaction meter in your brain reaching a relatively high number. Get it? Got it? Good.

  1. The Terrible Opening Band at the Killer's Concert
  2. The Urge to Dance to the Spice Girls
  3. How American Idol has Gone Downhill and my Unstoppable Hatred for "Bikini Girl"
  4. The Newest Miley Cyrus Scandal
  5. Pondering About Socks

Alrighty, then! Starting with the terrible opening band at the Killer's Concert (which, by the way, was beyond awesome, and those of you who read this blog know how powerful of an adjective awesome is to me). They were truly terrible, guys. Their name was M83 or something along those lines, and they were the second-worst opening act I have ever seen (the first being some moderately-known band who opened for Fall Out Boy last year and looked and sounded like they were twelve). They NEVER looked up at the crowd...EVER. They even intentionally had their instruments turned so they weren't directly facing the audience. Because of this, it took me an extremely long time to figure out who was actually singing (it turned out to be the keyboardist... who would've guessed?). Meanwhile, my friend who also attended the concert was texting me, telling me how incredibly untalented these dudes were. As if I didn't know.

K, on to #2, the urge to dance to the Spice Girls! If you don't know who the Spice Girls are, just.... just.... ARG! I would say look 'em up on YouTube (that websites a flippin' miracle), but I think I can upload videos onto my blog, so I will make things easy for you and do that. Lazies. Anyway, so my family hosted a Super Bowl party at my house this Sunday (WHICH I DESPISED, because I freaked out, thinking everything was going get broken). I invited my two of my friends to help control me while my mind was in freak-out mode. While we were in my room trying to escape from the four year-olds running around with plates on their heads, I decided to put on some music. One of the friends who was there (the same one texting me in the paragraph above) is a huge fan of the Spice Girls, like me (yes, I understand the dorkiness of that statement), so I played Spice Up Your Life for her. While listening, I remembered a dance I had made up to the chorus when I was about eight. I had taught it to my friend the last time she had been at my house, and we showed it to my other friend, who then joined us in dancing around my room and looking like idiots. We then decided to try and make up dance moves to the rest of the song. This meant trying to decipher the lyrics; I mistook several words for completely different things, especially at the bilingual bridge. (Can you imagine that? Ha ha!) My favorite mistake was when I mistook "Yellow man in" for "Yellowmatic". I have now made yellowmatic my new catchphrase, and have randomly had the urge to dance to the Spice Girls the rest of the week.

Alright, American Idol! Well, I have only honestly watched the first episode. The rest of my information has been retrieved from video clips and articles on Comcast. BUT, based on what I DO know, my thoughts are these: The entire show is a scam that is fraught with idiots. Though I DO think that some of the people they show in the auditions are truly, truly bad singers who thought they stood a chance, I think it is clear that the producers add in some of their own put-together characters to give the show some extra pizazz. Not that that's a bad thing. They certainly need some pizazz, considering how this show just repeats the same soppy stories of unfortunate souls with great voices and happy-go-lucky-cheerleader types who can't carry a tune in a bag. One whom I don't think is producer-made (producer-produced?) is that Brianna chick, a.k.a. "Bikini Girl". No, no! I simply think she's an attention-seeking (insert your choice of insulting noun here) who needs to learn some respect for herself, her parents, and the innocent eyes of the viewers. Is she not aware little children watch that show? Five year-olds do NOT need to see not-exactly-in-shape (insert same insulting noun as before here) strutting around in too-tight bikinis and getting through to Hollywood just because some sarcastic British judge who is 20-30 years older than her likes the way her legs look! But I digress...

PHEW! All this blogging wears down on a person... plus I have to leave to go to a Predator's game in twenty minutes. So, sorry, Miley Cyrus so-called Scandal... you're being forgotten.

What was next? Oh yeah! Pondering About Socks! This is probably the most random of the topics... saving the best for last! So yeah, I was just thinking, toesocks are sooooo much better than regular socks! They have the ability of wrapping nice, warm cloth around each individual toe, keeping the entire foot toasty instead of leaving the toes to freeze in, say, 11 degree weather (guess who did THAT this morning?). My dad doesn't like toesocks because seeing anything stuck between anyone's toes freaks him out, which makes it very entertaining to wear flip-flops! But anyway... the only bad thing about toesocks is that they are always made to come up to your shins, and frankly, that looks incredibly dorky. Not that you can see them if you wear jeans, but it feels weird, too... to me, at least. (Sensing a new poll...) They should make ankle-cut toesocks! That would be so awesome; I would buy twenty pairs. (Or you guys could get them for me for my birthday, which is in exactly a month and one day... hint hint. Just kidding!)

Ok, I think that is enough blogging for today. Do you feel replenished, renewed? Has the randomness cleared the boredom from your mind and gotten your blood flowing again? No? Well... were you at least briefly entertained? Fantastical. Then my goal in life is being fullfilled. Catch ya' later, cats!

The Great Blogzini predicts: You will see ducks in a pond and be inspired to build a winged contraption. Good luck with that.