Thursday, October 1, 2009

If You Give a Girl Some Geometry Homework...

Incongruous- senseless, absurd, illogical, etc.

The Walking Dictionary's Definition of the Day Award goes to: circular stories!

What is a circular story, you ask? Think If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, If You Give a Pig a Pancake, etc. Basically, a train of thought written down that comes back to the starting point. So, why is this so stupid? Because it's my latest Geometry assignment.

Yes, it's true. Due tomorrow is my own original circular story... in Geometry. How does this relate to math? Well, dearies, it's all if-then statements! (In other words, it doesn't relate at all. I get the feeling my teacher just wants to read children's stories.)

So, my friend (pretty much my twin, actually; we go by Fred and George, or Samneric to anyone who has read Lord of the Flies.) who shall hereby go by the name of Michelle, and I were talking about this assignment at lunch today. I was telling her how I had written mine in Study Hall and how it had taken me three tries to get one I actually liked. One of my failed attempts started with "If you give a girl some homework..." Michelle said something along the lines of, "We should write one starting like that, except make it really sarcastic and stuff!" Here, my little cabbages, is the outcome of this conversation:


-If you give a girl some geometry homework, then she will be really excited to do it.
-If she's really excited to do it, then she will ask her teacher for more.
-If she asks for more, then she will get more.
-If she gets more geometry homework, then she will become the teacher's pet.
-If she becomes the teacher's pet, then she will ask for extra credit every day.
-If she asks for extra credit every day, then her teacher will get annoyed.
-If her teacher gets annoyed, then she will no longer be the teacher's pet.
-If she is no longer the teacher's pet, then she will have depression.
-If she has depression, then she will need therapy.
-If she needs therapy, then she will sue her teacher.
-If she sues her teacher, then there will be a lawsuit.
-If there is a lawsuit, then there will be lawyers.
-If there are lawyers, then the world will end.
-If the world ends, then the sun will blow up.
-If the sun blows up, then Pluto blows up.
(And because it all has to come back to the starting point...)
-If Pluto blows up, then she will have more geometry homework!

Thank you! Thank you! (Takes a bow) That was an original Fred&George production. Perhaps more to come...

The Great Blogzini predicts: You will feel something falling in your hair later this week, think the sky is falling, and run screaming through the street. You will then realize that it was the leaves falling from the trees.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

POWERPUFF! (doo doo doo doo doooooo)

Dilatory- late, overdue, procrastinating, neglectful, etc.

The Walking Dictionary's Definition of the Day Award goes to: this blog post!

*nervous chuckle* Well, hi there, oh-so-wonderful readers! Ya' look a little...testy. Look, look, I know I've been gone a while, but no worries! I have a reasonable explanation...

Well, not really. I COULD tell you all sorts of things, like that I was too busy with homework or after-school activities, or that my computer accidentally fell in a lake, or maybe even that I got stepped on by an elephant recently and lost the ability to type. However, this is not the case. The case is, in fact, that I was extremely lazy and got caught up in trying to beat my high score on Solitaire ("the game for lonely people", as my sister calls it. Hmm...) which may or may not be a valid excuse. YOU would be tortured too, if your high score was 1199 and you kept scoring 1198 again and again and again...

But there are bigger things at stake here! I have allowed the little blurbs of random in your brain to crawl back into their corners, and your thoughts are slowly turning normal once again! Yes, your brain relies on ME to stay random! (No? Oh, let me have my dreams.) So I have come to rescue you from the overwhelming dreariness of normality. But what is the perfect cure? Let's follow my train of thought:


... WHAT? What did you just say? The Powerpuff Girls aren't superheros?! How dare you! I daresay they ARE superheros, and they're superb ones at that! Why, just listen to their theme song!

"Fighting crime,
Trying to save the world,
Here they come just in time,
The Powerpuff Girls!"

Now, unless they are a group of nerds playing Final Fantasy in their parent's basement, I would say that those words describe only SUPERHEROES! They fly! They punch! They use laser eyes and ice breath and can speak Spanish! (C'mon, you know it's a superpower.) What more do you want?

Oh. You want proof. You want PROOF. Well, I'll give you proof. I should KNOW about the PPGs because I have a box set of every episode known to man, not to mention all the commercials involving the girls, a documentary of how they came into being, and an extra, 10th anniversary episode in which Mojo Jojo sings "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" by Tears for Fears. And if you don't believe me, you can ask any of my friends (or yourselves, since most of you ARE my friends). So yeah. Get owned.

Yet still, you say the Powerpuff Girls aren't superheroes. WHY?


You have got to be kidding me. Because they're little girls?!?!?! B.....b....but c'mon!!!!!!! That doesn't mean a thing! When I was a little girl, I accomplished many things, such as watching Barney in the fireplace and coming out covered in soot. Ahem.... but I could have saved the world if I wanted to... and if I had had superpowers. But you see? The PPGs did have superpowers, and they did want to save the world! Therefore, they are superheroes. Case closed.

...Or not. They're too cute to be superheroes, you say? Hmmm... interesting. I thought about something like this the other day. You see, my English class just finished reading Lord of the Flies, a classic book that is pretty much about a bunch of boys who crash-landed on an island, turn savage, and start killing each other. Yaaaaay! But anyways, we had to do an oral commentary, where we were each given a question about the book and had to record ourselves talking about it for 4-6 minutes. My question was: Discuss the role of "games" in the book.

Well, of course what started off as a harmless little commentary turned into this spiel about how the human nature was forever doomed to revolve around violence, etc etc. Why? Because you're talking to rant-girl here, and that's what I do. Part of my spiel was about how the boys were dismissed as innocent because they were little and cute, when in reality, they were killing each other over pigs and a stupid conch shell. (Don't ask, those who haven't read it. Just don't.) So. You want to tell me again that the Powerpuff Girls can't be superheroes because they are too cute? Yeah. Didn't think so.

And now that my rant about that is over, I think I will post something that may help you appreciate the Powerpuff Girls a little more...

Hear that? Not just superpowers. ULTRA superpowers! WHAT NOW?

The Great Blogzini predicts: At 8 AM tomorrow, someone will poison your milk. DO NOT DRINK YOUR MILK. (Thank you, The Office.)

Another Entry!

Well, I'm officially impressed. You guys (well, two of you) went above and beyond the call of duty. I requested your services, and you delivered. That's right, folks. We have yet another SUPER RECLINER! And with that, I'll upload the photos!



Aaaaaand WELCOME to the ever-growing gallery of Super Recliners! Today's photos were sent in by Carson, and what a great batch they are! Take a look:

Excellent! Just excellent! And here's a lovely closeup for you:

I ADORE the mask! I didn't even ask for one, but now it seems so obvious! Every superhero, recliner or not, has a secret identity, correct? Carson's raising the bar for any of you late submitters out there!

Another thing I love about this one; the cape! It's made of a dress "stolen from the dress-up box", as Carson said in her email to me. Could this Super Recliner be a cape CAPER? (Oh, ho ho, I'm so witty!)

And one last full-body side shot for your enjoyment:

This one looks like it's flying off into the distance, a perfect way to end this entry...

BUT WAIT! The entry's not over! Now that I have more than one submission, I am (yes!) posting a poll! Which Super Recliner is more SUPER, Sophia's or Carson's? Make sure to judge fairly, and incorporate such things as flair, accuracy, and overall awesomeness into your vote. Now go! Scatter! But vote before you leave!

Thanks again to Carson and Sophia for being awesome participants! Good luck to you both.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009


Greetings, dear readers. This will be brief. Those of you who read the last post know all about my request for the creation of the Super Recliner. Have no idea what I'm talking about? Then scroll down to the post right below this one and you'll understand. For those who DO know what I am talking about, I am pleased to announce that I have actually gotten some photos of a Super Recliner! THIS is what reader participation looks like, folks. Just in case you don't know. It's when the READERS (that's you) PARTICIPATE (a.k.a. does what the blogger tells them to in order to appease her.) Heh heh... anyways.

Please enjoy these wondrous photos taken by our very own Sophia!

Perfect, my dear Sophia, just perfect! I love the arm sticking out to the side like Super Recliner is flying. Outstanding!

A closeup here shows us the eyes in a better light. Observe how they are looking into the distance, going together with the arm we saw before, flying into the sky. How wondrous!

She even lifted the cushion up a bit for the mouth, like I said! And the Tinkerbell cape is marvelous. The whole thing is simply splendid, and my other readers *cough cough you cough* really should take a page out of Sophia's book. (Not literally, however, because I hate the desecration of books with my whole heart, not to mention it would be quite rude.) Well done! I hope to see more Super Recliners soon, and maybe we can have a little competition to see whose is most super!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009


Why, HELLO, there, my dear readers! Did you miss me? Did ya? Did ya?

Hmph. Well, anyway, I'm sure you've figured out by now, clever as you are, that my disappearance from the blogging world for the past month or so was a marvelous ploy to build up your anticipation for a new post, thereby increasing the number of hits I get when I actually do post something. It most certainly was not because I got lazy and didn't feel like being creative. Oh, no. That would never happen.

As you can see, today's post is out of the usual format. Why, you ask? Well, because... because school starts tomorrow.

(Let the horrific screams ensue.)

Yes, yes, it is MOST terrible, because it means I won't be able to blog nearly as much as I did this summer. (Which, I suppose, really wasn't that much at all.) And, seeing as I will be restricted to essay formats and very particular math formulas, etc etc, for the next 9 1/2 months, I deemed it appropriate for this post to break the usual mold. Are you following? Grand.

So, what to blog about? What seemingly unimportant factoid can I bring up for discussion? What can I rant about for the next four or five paragraphs? Hmmmmmm...

It's not that hard, actually. I was talking to my sister the other day about an item. I was telling her that this item is so underappreciated, it's completely ridiculous! We use this item EVERY SINGLE DAY, yet do we have a national holiday for it? No. Does anyone ever give thanks for it? No. Does anyone EVER think that maybe they should write a grateful blog for it? No. That is, until now, of course.

You see, my dear readers, this horrendously abused item is the oh-so-common household chair.

Ah, it all makes sense now, you are thinking. But does it? Do you truly understand how much we owe the chair? Think about it: Right now, you are probably sitting on a chair while you read this. I am sitting on a chair while I type it. If we didn't have chairs, we would be forced to sit on the cold, hard floor, with our backs against the wall and a frown on our faces. Sound good to you? I didn't think so.

No one even bothers to learn the history of the chair! It probably dates back to the caveman days, where they sat on big boulders. Hey, it was comfier than the floor, even then! I think I should do a little research for this post. Let's journey to the land of Google, shall we?


Oh, WOW. All of you need to go to Wikipedia and search for "chair". It is the funniest thing you will ever read. Seriously. It goes into all this detail about the different types of chairs. Here's a lovely snippet:

"A chair is raised surface used to sit on, commonly for use by one person. Chairs often have the seat raised above floor level, supported by four legs. A chair without a back or arm rests is a stool, or when raised up, a bar stool (adults) or high chair (young children). A chair with arms is an armchair and with folding action and inclining footrest, a recliner. A permanently fixed chair in a train or theater is a seat or airline seat; when riding, it is a saddle and bicycle saddle, and for an automobile, a car seat or infant car seat. With wheels it is a wheelchair and when hung from above, a swing."

I think my favorite part of that was when it was describing the recliner. FOLDING ACTION! That sounds like one of those superhero figurines with "rapid web-slinging action!" or "real back-flipping action!" Can you imagine a superhero recliner? I can. The eyes would be right in the center, where there are sometimes those big buttons, you know? And then the bottom cusion could move up and down as the mouth. No nose. What superhero have you seen that really needs a nose?

And of course it would have a cape. All good heroes have capes. Who cares what The Incredibles say about capes being the reason for so many superhero deaths? If it swishes in the wind dramatically, it's a good thing. Duh.

You know what? Who says there can't be a super recliner? Hmm? HMMM? Not me! I say, if you have a recliner at home, make it super! Grab some googly eyes and a towel (a real cape would be better, but I suppose not many of you have one). Stick 'em on your recliner, lift the bottom cusion up a bit, and WHAM, you've got a recliner that knows how to save the day! However, when you put the superhero accessories on, you may want to refrain from using glue. Somehow I don't think the 'rents would be happy if Super-Expensive Recliner had googly eyes and glue stains on it the rest of its life. Use tape instead!

AND if you guys are really super awesome and actually MAKE a Super Recliner and send me pictures, I will most definitely post them on this blog. AND if I get more than one picture, I'll have a little contest to see which one is best. You can send your entries to So be creative! We don't want them all to look the same, do we? NO! So go, scatter! Make me some heroes!

Meanwhile, maybe Super Recliner can save me from that disastrous, dreaded villain: School.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Happy 4th of July!

Well, HELLO, my little cabbages! (French term of endearment, right there!) I am very pleased to wish you all a wondrous and spectacular 4th of July! I myself am in a superbly awesome mood today, and do not feel like being constricted by the usual format. Yes, that's right! It's a free-for-all today! My favorite kind of post!

I feel very ironic today. You know how today's supposed to be all patriotic, and you're supposed to wear red, white, and blue? Well, I was GOING to, but then I saw this shirt at the mall yesterday that was light and dark green stripes. This may not sound all that exciting, but it looked EXACTLY like Steve's shirt! You know, from the original Blue's Clues? Before that POSER named Joe was on? Yeah, Steve owns him. So did his shirt. I mean, green clearly beats orange any day. So today, instead of celebrating our country's independence with my attire, I appear to be supporting the leprechauns. Eh, oh well. I've always liked March better than July, anyway. 

So, most of you know about my obsession with The Killers, right? If not, which rock have you been living under? Heh heh, just kidding... sort of. Anyways, the song I've been most obsessed with lately is "On Top" from Hot Fuss. I think it has one of the best lines EVER. You ready for this? Alright-

"We bring the bump to the grind, uh huh, I don't mind!"

AAAH! I ADORE that line! Goodness me... it's great. ;-D

Oh, and you know how I called you "my little cabbages" at the beginning of this post? Well, I got that from this book called The Daring Book for Girls, or something along those lines. It has a page for both French and Spanish phrases and terms of endearment. It's very useful. For example, Spanish people apparently use the phrase "Let's get back to our sheep" whenever they want to get back on subject. And then there's "Just because you were born in an oven doesn't make you a loaf of bread!" I have no idea what that one might mean. The book didn't explain. And the French... oh, the French. You think "little cabbages" is weird? They also use "my flea". Really? Huh. Just huh.

This book also had a list of women inventors and scientists. One of them invented a "self-cleaning house" which has a device in the ceiling of each room that can adjust the heat on it's own. Not only that, but it can also send soapy water through each room to "clean it", and then dry itself, too. The floors are slightly slanted to help drainage, and you're supposed to put thing that shouldn't get wet under tables and stuff. Sounds like a lot of work to me. What if you have a big, flat-screen TV? What table do you put that under? But it does have ONE cool part: The closets can wash, dry, and fold everything by itself. I know. Awesome, right?

Alright, well, I want to go celebrate with the rest of the country, as I'm sure you do, too. Here's wishing you a fireworks-filled day! Go have fun, my fleas! 

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Harry Potter and the Mood Elevator

Confounding- astounding, wondrous, etc.

The Walking Dictionary's Definition of the Day Award goes to: Human Resources! (HR)

You see, my dad works in HR, and every once in a while they have to go through training sessions to make sure they're on top of things. This week's session was based around (bum buh DA) THE MOOD ELEVATOR.

What is the mood elevator, you ask? Well, well, it is only the core of the human operating system! (No joke; this is honestly what they were told in their training session.) There are many levels on the mood elevator, ranging anywhere from Content or Happy to flat-out ANGRY. Grrrr! And right smack-dab in the middle is Curious. Curious is considered neutral because you neither like nor dislike something. You're just curious!


I know, right? Who comes up with this stuff?

Now, I have recently been on a Harry Potter kick, as I want to re-read the series before the new movie comes out. And I think the mood elevator sounds like another adventure in the HP series! In fact, it might just be fun to see what happens in:

Book 8: Harry Potter and the Mood Elevator

(In the scene are Harry, Ron, and Hermione. They are standing in a seemingly normal elevator...)

Ron: Where are we going today, Harry?

Harry: Dumbledore told me that this elevator has mystical powers, and that we shouldn't go anywhere near it. I thought it might be fun to explore it!

Hermione: Oooh, but Harry! We're probably breaking dozens of rules, not to mention that this could be cursed by a Dark Wizard, or...

Ron: Oh, lighten up, Hermione! It's just a bit of fun! Let's see where it goes!

(Ron walks over to the buttons, but stops when he hears...)

Neville: NO!

(Harry, Ron, and Hermione all jump and turn to face him.)

Harry: Neville! What are you doing here?

Neville: I overheard you talking about an elevator. My grandmother had told me about this one. She... she said it's dangerous!

Ron: Neville, your grandmother thinks everything is dangerous. She should have tea with Hermione someday! They'd get along well, don't you think?

(Hermione glares.)

Hermione: Oh, MOVE! I'll push the buttons myself!

(Neville trembles.)

Hermione: That's funny... it doesn't have the name of the floors...

Ron: So, what? Does that make it dangerous?

(Hermione hesitates, about to say something, but...)

Harry: Oh, c'mon, Hermione! Look, we'll just push the one.

(Harry pushes one of the buttons. The elevator vibrates, but doesn't seem to be moving up or down.)

Ron: W-what just happened?

Harry: I don't know... but wasn't it great!

Hermione: Oh, yes, Harry! That was fantastic! Let's do it again, shall we?

Neville: Oh, NO...

Ron: Come off it, Neville; what's wrong? Aren't you excited? That was so fun!

Neville: I t-tried to tell you! This is the Mood Elevator! Every button you push changes your mood. I g-guess you pushed Excitement.

Harry: Really? That's fascinating! I wonder what the other buttons are!

(He pushes another. The elevator vibrates again.)

Hermione: Interesting... I wonder how this works? 

Ron: Yeah... do you reckon it's very old magic?

Harry: (looking at Neville's feet) Neville, where in the world did you get those shoes? 

Neville: Oh... you m-must have hit the C-curious button. 

Hermione: Neville... why aren't YOU being affected by the elevator?

Neville: Oh, Gran put a charm on me to protect me. 

Ron: I don't know why you would need protecting. This elevator is probably one of the greatest wizard inventions ever! I should look into it's design and tell Dad...

Harry: I wonder what these other buttons do...

(He pushes another one, and the elevator vibrates once again. Hermione starts screaming loudly.)

Harry: What is it, Hermione?!

Hermione: Look! LOOK! There's a fly in here! (She screams again.)

(Ron and Harry spot the fly and drop to the floor, screaming as well.)

Neville: Oh, no! Terror... you pushed Terror! 

(He hurries over to the buttons and pushes one.)

Ron: Wow, Neville! That was really brave of you-

Harry: -we never would have been able to do that on our own, excellent job-

Hermione: -you're a hero, Neville! Thank you ever so much!

(They all give Neville a giant group hug.)

Neville: Oh. G-grateful. This might not be too bad...

(He presses the OPEN DOOR button and walks out, Harry, Ron, and Hermione still thanking him whole-heartedly. However, standing in front of them is none other than a very angry Gran.)

Gran: NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM! How DARE you try to walk off without resetting these poor children's emotions! You're supposed to be their friend, and I simply can not believe that you would-

Harry: Oh, no, Mrs. Longbottom, Neville's a great friend-

Ron: -we wouldn't trade him for the world, he's spectacular-

Hermione: -it'd be excellent if he could stay with us for the summer, can he-

(Gran glowers at Neville, then waves her wand at the trio. They appear briefly dazed before turning to Neville.)

Ron: Well, what'd you do that for?!

Harry: We sounded like idiots, Neville! Were you really going to leave us like that?

Hermione: Really, Neville, it was very inconsiderate, and people would have noticed eventually.

Gran: Well? What do you have to say for yourself?

(Neville's eyes dart from face to face anxiously before he runs suddenly back into the elevator, removing the charm on himself as the doors close. Two minutes later, he exits the elevator and walks back to the group.)

Neville: What are you looking at me like that for?

Gran: You're in serious trouble, young man?

Neville: Am I? I don't remember...

Hermione: Oh, NO! He must have pushed the Forgetful button!

(Everyone groans except Neville, who asks-)

Neville: Oooh, look! An elevator! Wonder where it goes?