The Walking Dictionary's Definition of the Day Award goes to: housecats!
HOW can they be crimped, you ask? Why, housecats have the perfect lives! They get to lounge around all day, lazily flicking their tails at the inferior beings that dote on them as they wolf down their "gourmet" wet food. They jump on fake mice and roll around in cat nip all day! They're entertained by a simple, mini laser beam, for crying out loud!!! HOW could they POSSIBLY be crimped?
Ah, my uninformed friends. You clearly have not lived with cats your entire lives, as I have. You have not had the many years of experience with them as I do. You see, cats may seem quite content with their seemingly simple lives. But it's all a facade! If you will simply walk in their paws for just a few minutes.........
A hazy fog fills the air as you are suddenly transformed into a housecat.
How lovely! you think to yourself. A patch of sun on the floor. I think I shall flop in it.
You proceed to lay down with a heavy thud in a warm spot of sunlight near the front door. Suddenly, one of your humans comes and opens the door. You immediately jump up and sprint to the opening, seeing the far-off horizon that holds your freedom. No more waiting for the right time of day to get that nice patch of sun! Once outside, you'll be able to
THUD!
You ran straight into a magical, invisible wall. You hear the humans laugh as they gasp the word "glass". What is this magic? It appears the outdoors is right at your pawtips, but try as you might, you can't get through this "glass". What havoc have these humans wreaked? They must be destroyed!
..........................................................................................................................................................................
You sit silently for weeks, staring the humans down, plotting your revenge. Oh, you try to spite them in many ways: only eating specific wet foods, and jumping in their seat right before they sit down. And no more do you give them the pleasure of sitting in their laps. No, no! They must suffer your intolerable shunning.
But still, it is not enough for the crime they have committed by placing that impenetrable glass wall in the doorway. Day in and day out, you try and try to break through, but you can't. The stupid humans laugh at you, thinking you just haven't learned that you can't get through, that you're an idiot. But it's not that you haven't learned; it's that you haven't given up hope of someday escaping the small title of a housecat.
Why do you want to leave, anyway? You have a nice bed, delicious food, and people who might as well be your slaves, they're so willing to serve you. To any other creature, it would feel like their own little kingdom. But you housecats know you were meant for bigger and better things! Forget a couple humans; the whole world should be waiting on you! Why do incompetent humans rule, when clearly you are the more skilled and useful of the two races. Of all the races, actually! You were meant to rule! You must be king (or queen)! You (oof) must (umph) break (uff) through (omph) this (ow) GLASS! (the glass wall disappears)
... You did it?...
WA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
THUD!
You ran straight into a magical, invisible wall. You hear the humans laugh as they gasp the word "glass". What is this magic? It appears the outdoors is right at your pawtips, but try as you might, you can't get through this "glass". What havoc have these humans wreaked? They must be destroyed!
..........................................................................................................................................................................
You sit silently for weeks, staring the humans down, plotting your revenge. Oh, you try to spite them in many ways: only eating specific wet foods, and jumping in their seat right before they sit down. And no more do you give them the pleasure of sitting in their laps. No, no! They must suffer your intolerable shunning.
But still, it is not enough for the crime they have committed by placing that impenetrable glass wall in the doorway. Day in and day out, you try and try to break through, but you can't. The stupid humans laugh at you, thinking you just haven't learned that you can't get through, that you're an idiot. But it's not that you haven't learned; it's that you haven't given up hope of someday escaping the small title of a housecat.
Why do you want to leave, anyway? You have a nice bed, delicious food, and people who might as well be your slaves, they're so willing to serve you. To any other creature, it would feel like their own little kingdom. But you housecats know you were meant for bigger and better things! Forget a couple humans; the whole world should be waiting on you! Why do incompetent humans rule, when clearly you are the more skilled and useful of the two races. Of all the races, actually! You were meant to rule! You must be king (or queen)! You (oof) must (umph) break (uff) through (omph) this (ow) GLASS! (the glass wall disappears)
... You did it?...
WA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
(You are snatched and shoved in a cage, which is then put in a car and driven to the vet.)
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
*Bows* Thank you, thank you, one and all! That should be a play on Broadway. But anyway, a couple of important announcements. (Well, actually, they're not all that important, but oh well!) First of all, I have changed my profile picture, because I saw someone else who had the same one as me. Not cool. Anyway, I think the new one is better despite that, so check it out if you want.
Also, you know that link I have on my page for The Adventure of Zarutha, the most random story on Earth? Well, I'm taking it down, and here's why. My mom wants me to work on some writing this summer (other than my blog, I guess), so I thought starting over with Zarutha and making it longer and more complex would be the most fun way to do that. I don't want anyone mooching off my ideas or anything, so I won't be posting any of my work (don't ask me to, either). So, yeah.
Oh yeah! I am on summer break now, so expect more frequent posting. I will try my hardest to post at least twice a week, but we all know how unmotivated I am when it comes to this sort of thing.
Last thing: I will be putting a new poll up, so please vote! I don't know what it will be yet; I'll just make something up off the top of my head. Gracias!
The Great Blogzini predicts: You will buy a new booklight, rub it, and accidentally release a genie from it. Good job.
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