Tuesday, January 6, 2009

HOW Fortuitous...

Liar- a person who lies or has lied repeatedly.

The Walking Dictionary's Definition of the Day goes to: fortune cookies!!!!!

OK, technically this isn't accurate, as the definition is a PERSON who lies or lies repeatedly. But whatever. Oh, and maybe its just me and my dorky-ness, but I found it amusing for some unknown reason when the dictionary I went to for this said the antonym (opposite) of liar is a straight shooter. Really? Who SAYS that?

ANYWAY, the lies of fortune cookies were brought to my attention just yesterday, when my family ordered Chinese food for dinner. Despite our average-sized family of four, the people at the restaurant gave us something like seven cookies.  But hey, why not? We opened them all anyway.

None of us even eat the cookies.  We just crack open the fancily shaped thing so we can see the "predictions" that await us.  We don't believe them; I have yet to see anyone who has. But its fun to see what supposedly lies in our future.

But apparently, its alright now to just say something kind about you instead of actually telling your fortune. For example, one said "You are admired by everyone for your talent and abilities." It doesn't even "predict" what these talents and abilities are! Even if it wasn't a real fortune, it would be fun to get one that said "You are admired by everyone for your talent and abilities in the area of tight-rope walking." Of course, if some six year old kid got that one and decided they were secretly a prodigy or something... that could be a lawsuit waiting to happen.

And then there was one that simply said "You love peace." 

.............. (cricket cricket).............. 

Wow. What a prediction. Stunning. Blows my mind.

But my favorite of them all was one I just can't wrap my mind around.  Try this out for size:

"Behind an able man, there are always other able men."

WHAT? I mean, maybe that makes sense to some wise dude who says stuff like this the number of times a day that I say "snazzy", but when I showed this fortune around at school, no else got it either.  What, exactly, is an able man? Why are we looking behind him? If we are looking for more able men, wouldn't the able man who is ever-so-able be ABLE to tell us where the other able men are? And why is it only men that are able? Because I can think of plenty of situations where women have been more "able", whatever that means, than men. And why are all the other able men lined up behind this one able man? And why does the line never end? Because it says there are ALWAYS other able men. How is this possible? The line can not stretch on forever.  How many times does the line wrap around the earth? If stretched out to its full length, how long is it? But if it keeps growing, does it have no certain length? When was the line begun? How old is the first able man? What happens when the first able man dies? Does it not matter, since the line apparently stretches on forever? Are the able men the ones who write these lying fortune cookies that don't actually predict my fortune? Is it a secret society that I just discovered? Does that mean I join the line of able men, making it the line of able men and women? 

Important questions...

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