Football Freaks- I Got 'Em!

Freak- a person or animal on exhibition as an example of a strange deviation from nature; monster.

The Walking Dictionary's Definition of the Day Award goes to: football fans!


OK, all you extremely literal people reading this: no, I have yet to see a football fan displayed at the zoo because someone has called them a "strange deviation from nature" or a "monster"... or for any other reason, really. But COME ON? How could you disagree with this award?


Fact: Football fans frequently sit outside the stadium, at which a game they don't even have tickets to is being played that day, with radios and various snacks. They call this activity "tail-gating."


Fact: Football fans enjoy covering themselves in multicolored paints to support their favorite teams. I am curious how long that stuff takes to get off.

Fact: Football fans also seem to enjoy standing and/or sitting in below freezing weather just to watch a bunch of helmeted guys throw a ball around and tackle each other.

Fact: Football fans apparently have the ability of figuring out how the football scoring system works, while the rest of us sit there scratching our heads as to why one team scored three points and the other only scored two.

Fact: Football fans also have the astounding ability of knowing how every single play in the book works.


Fact: I do not understand this.

My family is currently watching the.... well, some game. I think its between South Dakota and Pittsburgh. Wait, a state vs. a city? Another reason football is stupid. (Of course, I have no idea what I am talking about, so if I am wrong, feel free to correct me. But don't expect more than a sarcastic remark in response.)

While my mom screams about how she hates kickers, my dad finishes his yelling about Eli Manning from the game before, and my sister watches with an expression of rage sitting quietly upon her face, I simply laugh, because none of them realize how very amusing all of this is to watch. I really don't understand how anyone can get so worked up about a bunch of sweaty guys shoving each other around in the snow. It makes no sense at all. If you want that sort of entertainment, go to a park in Alaska and watch a couple of kids make snow angels. Its along the same lines.

I am also curious as to how these footballs don't pop, what with all these rather large, muscular giants falling on top of them every five seconds.

These poor people. These poor, delusional people.

(OK, I admit it. I, of all people, should not be calling other people freaks. Though I am more of a dork than a freak. But seriously!!!!!!!)