Boredom...

Hello, readers from a galaxy far, far away! This is one of those days when I just don't have the energy to do the usual formatting with the awards and whatnot. Why, you ask? Because I'm tired. Not in the sleepy way, just the I-have-absolutely-no-energy-to-spare way. So, I guess I'll just blog about my train of thought. It can be a wild ride sometimes, so let's see where this takes us.

First thought: school. It's almost over (for me, at least). This week is exams Monday-Wednesday, then a half-day of the oh-so-exciting graduation ceremony on Thursday. I really can't put into words how ANXIOUS I am for summer to be here. It's not that I'm excited for it; I don't have the energy to be. But it's weird; when I think to myself that in three and a half days I will be out of school, I feel a mixture of things. For example, there's a lot of teachers I am going to miss.  But then there are some that I am thrilled to be leaving! Plus, no more homework for two...and a half...months. Months that will pass slo o o o wly.  Months that will be filled with boredom a lot of the time. Months where I will miss my friends, teachers I may never see again, and yes, (gulp) G.I. But months that will also involve much fun with friends and trips to movies, camps, mountains, beaches, and restaurants! Throw in the fact that the first day of school feels like yesterday, and my brain feels like one big melting pot of doom.

DOOM

DOOR

FLOOR

FLOP

FLIP-FLOP

My dad hates flip-flops. He hates anything that goes in between his toes.  Even if they're the kind of flip-flops that have the fabric toe-separator, not the plastic one that hurts, he flinches every time he sees them. He's flinching now, as I wear them. (The fabric-y kind, not plastic.) 

Oh my, he is asking for the laptop. WELL. See you bloggies later. Perhaps my train o' thought will keep rolling in the next entry.

HELP! We need somebody! HELP! Not just anybody!

Super- divine, powerful, great, etc.

The Walking Dictionary's Definition of the Day Award goes to: batteries!!!!!

Oh, COME ON, people!! Batteries! How can you NOT agree? Batteries are what sustain us in the twenty-first century. Those little portable packs of energy give us the power to play extremely important video games, watch life-changing episodes of Oprah and Dr. Phil, and blend ourselves a blueberry banana smoothie all at the same time. It's simple, really; whoever invented the battery, if they're still alive, must be a...a... I don't know. They're probably more than a trillionare by now!

If you still don't believe in the power of that lovely little thing called the battery, take a gander at this lovely little drawing by yours truly. (Yes, I do realize I said "lovely little" twice. It was intentional.)

The Great Blogzini predicts: You shall be captured by a little man in green with a thick mustache and held hostage on top of a building.

There Can't Be Good Without the Bad

Disconsonant- conflicting, disagreeing, contrary, etc.

The Walking Dictionary's Definition of the Day Award goes to: forks and spoons!!!

There IS a story behind this, my dear readers. You see, as I sat yesterday with a glass full of chocolate milk and a plate of mini brownies at my side, I indulged myself in the pleasure of watching The Powerpuff Girls. Yes, yes, I realize it's a children's show, but it really does have some fantastic jokes meant for adults (and the ones meant for kids aren't half bad either!)

So I was watching what I have now deemed my new favorite episode, an episode completely written in song. The travel-size heroes were singing to a villain as they destroyed him (lovely) about how good can't live without the bad, happy can't live without the sad, etc. The chorus stretched on with continued variations of this sort of comparison when I heard one that really stuck out from the rest.

"There can be no sun without the moon.

There can be no fork without the spoon."

Ok, how can you NOT say that isn't as obvious as the others. Fork and spoon aren't exactly what comes to mind when I hear good and bad. So, I thought to myself, Self? Which one is bad, and which one is good? And myself replied, Well, I just don't know, Ashley. Why don't you find out?

So I did, and so I am. I have polled nonstop today, asking which one was evil and why. The response was overwhelming; who knew people cared so much about the intentions of kitchen supplies? Most people agreed that the fork must be the evil one; after all, forks can stab you, but what harm can spoons do? (My little self peeped up at this question, stating Well, plastic spoons can break easily, and then you can't eat your pudding, and then you cry, and your salty tears fall in your pudding, and it isn't any good anymore, so you throw the broken spoon across the room in anger, but quickly realize the spoon didn't mean any harm and pick it back up and cradle it like a baby. I then told my little self to put a sock in it and go buy some more pudding.)

ANYWAY, despite the agreeable manner in which my friends answered this questions, I found myself getting more and more frustrated as the day went on. Why, you ask? WELL, apparently people were convinced that a spork was one of the options. IT WAS NOT. (For you geniuses who really don't know what a spork is, its pretty much a spoon with prongs. A spoon combined with a fork. A sp-ork. Spork. Catching on?)

It really aggravated me that everyone thought sporks were an option, when I clearly said "Fork, or spoon?" I guess I was kind of riled up at lunch, because I got into a heated discussion (well, more like a rant, since no one else was joining in) about sporks when my friend, who shall go by the generic name of Alice, said "I love sporks. It has all the great qualities of a fork combined with those of a spoon! Its awesome!"

My response?

Not, "Totally!"

Not, "Duh!"

Not even an unenthusiastic, "I agree."

Ready? Doubt it.

"You are soooo wrong! I would hate to be a spork! They have no idea what they are! Am I a fork, or am I a spoon? I have NO IDEA!!!! Look! My center is curved in, resembling a spoon, but my tips are pointed, like a fork! WHAT AM I? WHO AM I? That is one seriously confused eating utensil!"

*cricket cricket*

Five seconds later, my table erupted into hysterical laughter that carried on for at least three minutes, while I just sat there gasping, completely serious, wondering what in the world was so funny. Maybe I should do stand-up comedy. I could just get up on stage, with nothing prepared at all, then find something random in the crowd, like, oh, I don't know, a spork, and start ranting about it, and no one would be any the wiser. Not a bad idea, actually, except for the fact that when I actually try to be funny, I tend to fail epically.

The Great Blogzini predicts: You will accidentally bump into a man dressed as that giraffe from Toys 'R Us while walking across a small bridge. After mumbling an apology, you will carry on your merry way, not realizing you just got pick-pocketed.

Wheel... of... FORTUNE!!!!

Droll- amusing, entertaining, captivating, etc.

The Walking Dictionary's Definition of the Day Award goes to: Wheel of Fortune!!!

Guys, this show is flipping HILARIOUS!!!! I am watching it as I type this (and I apologize if that makes this blog somewhat distracted sounded, and therefore not as amusing). There are many reasons this show causes me to break into unstoppable fits of laughter, sooooo let's get started!!!!

#1: The host. I believe they have changed the host of this show seven billion times. Right now, its some old guy who looks like he should be singing karaoke on a cruise ship. Sounds like it, too. Also, I believe he is flirting with the female contestants on the show, even though they happen to be at least forty years older than him. And that information they get about the contestants before the competition even begins? Well, if you forget to mention even one tiny bit of it in your "contestant profile", he'll say to you "Well, did you want to mention that you are in a sorority?" or whatever that forgotten bit of info is.

#2: The contestants, of course! Let me describe the ones on this particular episode. There's Nichole (not Nichol, not Nicole, but Nichole), who JUST won a million dollars, but then guessed the wrong letter and had her turn taken away, or something along those lines. There's Anita, who is just about the ditsiest person I have ever seen on reality TV. And there's Jason, who is busy throughout the entire show trying to get Anita to go out with him. For example, when he loses his extra turn or whatever, he says "Can't I at least give it to Anita?" who just sits there, tossing her hair and looking smug. Oh, how I hope she goes Bankrupt. (On the show, guys. Not in real life. I'm not THAT evil.) Meanwhile, poor Nichole is just sitting there, being the third wheel that she is. Sob sob, tear tear, cry cry.

#3: The contestants' expressions. There is apparently only two options regarding facial expressions on this show, and they are either looking eternally surprised or optimistically disappointed. Oh, I just lost half a million dollars? Well, that's alright, I'll just stand here in front of this cheesy mountain background and keep smiling. Oh, darn, my opponent just got the jackpot. Well, there's always next time! My, how I LOVE that mountain background! SO realistic!

#4: How self-absorbed the contestants are, even when they are behind everyone else by five million dollars. Watch how Anita cocks her head and claps when she earns a dollar. Vomit-inducing, really.

(Before I tell you the next reason, I would just like to add to #1 by informing you that the old dude just grabbed Anita's hand. Creeper.)

#5: The phrases they give the contestants to guess. The last one I saw was dinosaur exhibits, under the category of "Things". Wow. That will definitely clue you in. Because when I hear "Things", I automatically think "Oh! Dinosaur exhibit!"

Well, I could go on and on, but I have other things to watch, so adios, my non-existant readers!

The Great Blogzini predicts: You will be bitten by a cat. Two hours later, you will begin methodically licking yourself. Who needs a bathtub?

:-P

SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE 

Don't get it? You should.

Sweden, Sweden, Sweden... THAT'S THE COUNTRY FOR ME!

Efficacious- influential, powerful, effective, etc.

Before we begin, I have some updates to announce. First off, WHERE IS EVERYONE? Gosh, it's bad enough that I seem to be the only blogger left in my group of blogging friends. (I never imagined I'd be the one to continue this little trend.) But now you have all stopped reading, too! I know I haven't blogged in a while, but COME ON! I think one person besides myself read the last entry. Wow, you guys. I feel loved.

Anyway, since you guys haven't visited in while, I will let you know that there is a not-so-new poll up! Please please please go vote because it is something about the format of this blog and it would thrill me to actually have responses other than my own.

Aaaaaand, HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!!!!! As you can see, I am being very festive by typing this wondrous entry in a lovely shade of green. I am also attempting to convince my fourth-grader neighbor that I am a leprechaun, despite the fact that I hardly wore any green today, I don't have red hair or a pot of gold, and I'm not Irish. But I can sort of jig!!! OK... I said sort of.

But today's entry has to do with a country other than Ireland. In fact....

The Walking Dictionary's Definition of the Day Award goes to: Sweden!

You see, my darlings, this week I have graciously explored the great advances Sweden has made in the Earth's continuously growing culture. Not only do those little red candy fish taste so good (those ARE Swedish, right?), but this European country has taken ginormous steps in the expansion of knowledge.

... JUST KIDDING!! But Sweden is a great country, so don't think I am insulting them. I'm not. I am simply informing you that we are NOT here to discuss the great leaps the country may or may not have made; does that seem to fit with this blog's style? I didn't think so. No, no, we are here for something much more important.

You see, my friend (who will hereby go by the generic name of Jeanie) and I are in Spanish class together. This week, we had to write a script using certain, pre-chosen lines and present our "skit" to the class. The first line of our script was "Hola! Adonde vas?" which translates to "Hello! Where are you going?"

Not only did I say the opening "Hola!" in an overly perky tone, I put a lot of emphasis on certain parts of the "Adonde vas?" Unintentionally, it came out sounding very, very Swedish. I know this is very stereotypical of me; perhaps not all Swedish people have this sort of accent. But it doesn't matter anyway, because my friend and I were already in fits of laughter before I could even consider this topic.

Why, oh, why am I telling you this? Frankly, I don't know, nor do I care. Since none of you read this anymore, it's not as if it matters what I write here. I could simply write SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE SNICKERDOODLE a thousand times and post it, and who would know? No one, that's who. Perhaps this was my unconcious mind's way of getting back at you insolent non-readers, though that was not my intention when I started writing this. My intention was to tell you a funny story, which turned out to be not as funny as I thought because you can't actually hear me say my very Swedish Spanish phrase. (By the way, Jeanie and I are now calling ourselves Swaniards. Can't figure that one out? Tough snickerdoodles.)

Interesting. Now I have typed myself up into a somewhat spoiled mood. I do not see much point in blogging to people who do not care. I will keep blogging, though, because I enjoy ranting, but not as much effort will go into it, I don't believe. What a pity... oh, wait! No one's on the other end of this to pity me. I think I will go watch Ghostbusters.

The Great Blogzini says: At 9:00 AM tomorrow, you will recieve a fax from your future self, telling you to climb a very high tree and look around. I suggest following your advice.

Mixin' It Up!

Well, folks,I haven't written in a while... sorry about that. I've been busy, what with softball tryouts (made it, if you're interested), softball PRACTICE, homework, birthday preparations (March 6th! Woot woot!), D.I. (Destination Imagination... you can see why we abbreviate it), and life in general. To top it off, I got sick with a fever that reached 103.5 degrees yesterday, a voice-killing cough, and a busload of snot. But you didn't need to know that. Anyway, I don't really feel like doing the normal format, with the award and all that. Instead, I am just going to blog, as per usual, about something random, without the fancy mumbo-jumbo.

OOOOOOOH I know what to blog about! Another blog! Ok, guys, prepare to be blown away, because I am about to introduce you to the most addicting website since Neopets! This blog may just be snazzier than mine (if its possible...just kidding!) and its not just about random things which, depending on how you look at it, may be good or bad. Guys and girls, ladies and gentlemen, cats and dogs, THIS blog is all about CAKE.

Not just any cake, my friends. How boring would that be, an entire blog dedicated to regular ol' cakes. "Well, this one's traditional vanilla!" "Oooh, they get fancy here by adding a double fudge streak!" Nope. Uh-uh. No, this blog is all about cakes whose decorators, though they are all professionally done, completely wrecked the cakes with vomit-colored frosting, terrible spray-painting, badly-constructed figurines, and the frequently-made misspellings. Hence the name of this blog, Cake Wrecks.

I can't REALLY blog about this until you guys know what I'm talking about. So, in the spirit of my upcoming birthday, I think I'll use up the next five miles of typing space or so to show you some pretty darn snazzy cakes, and some... not so snazzy ones.

OK, this is clearly not a cake wreck. It's actually my favorite one so far. Isn't it ADORABLE?!?!?! I wish I was Cameron. That kid's got it gooooood.

Ok, now we can move onto some Cake WRECKS (the fun begins)...

This one wouldn't be a wreck if it weren't for the weirdness of it. I mean, sure, the leaves and camo are the right colors, and the deer are perfectly sculpted... but GUYS! Come on... there's leaves, deer, and CAMO on a WEDDING CAKE. Isn't that weird to anyone else? Or at least amusing? Because I just about died when I saw this.

And, of course, every little boy dreams of having their childhood hero on a cake. However, I don't think many of their dreams include a possessed Spiderman with hands like a frog and glowing white eyes. But who knows? Maybe I'm just an oddball... well, more than we already knew.

This one just made me laugh. I know quite a few people who would enjoy receiving this cake from me. GOOD TIMES, guys. Good. Times.

And finally, last but certainly not least, one more Cake Wreck to sustain you before I send you on your merry way:

Girls, Barbie cakes are soooo five minutes ago. Impress your friends by getting an ever-popular, totally ripped Ken cake! Though I must say, the flowery skirt DOES take away from his buff-ness somewhat. But hey! Only real men wear pink, right?

That's all for now, but there are hundreds, probably thousands more on this website. Just go to http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/ for more spectacular cakes covered in sprinkles, frosting, and awesomeness. Also, if you guys liked this blog, I could start posting a picture of a Cake Wreck with every post. But you guys have to actually tell me whether you like it, so I'll put a new poll up. (By the way, thanks SO MUCH for voting on the last one... oh wait! No one did! Thanks guys. Love you, too.)

Hope you enjoyed this mixed-up blog!

The Great Blogzini predicts: An employee from Wal-Mart will approach you and ask you for a nickle. When you tell him you don't have one, he will pull a peach out of his pocket, angrily chew it in your face, and stomp off while calling his peach unrepeatable names. Wow. You just got owned.