POWERPUFF! (doo doo doo doo doooooo)

Dilatory- late, overdue, procrastinating, neglectful, etc.

The Walking Dictionary's Definition of the Day Award goes to: this blog post!

*nervous chuckle* Well, hi there, oh-so-wonderful readers! Ya' look a little...testy. Look, look, I know I've been gone a while, but no worries! I have a reasonable explanation...

Well, not really. I COULD tell you all sorts of things, like that I was too busy with homework or after-school activities, or that my computer accidentally fell in a lake, or maybe even that I got stepped on by an elephant recently and lost the ability to type. However, this is not the case. The case is, in fact, that I was extremely lazy and got caught up in trying to beat my high score on Solitaire ("the game for lonely people", as my sister calls it. Hmm...) which may or may not be a valid excuse. YOU would be tortured too, if your high score was 1199 and you kept scoring 1198 again and again and again...

But there are bigger things at stake here! I have allowed the little blurbs of random in your brain to crawl back into their corners, and your thoughts are slowly turning normal once again! Yes, your brain relies on ME to stay random! (No? Oh, let me have my dreams.) So I have come to rescue you from the overwhelming dreariness of normality. But what is the perfect cure? Let's follow my train of thought:

Rescue
Superheros
THE POWERPUFF GIRLS (yeeeees!)

... WHAT? What did you just say? The Powerpuff Girls aren't superheros?! How dare you! I daresay they ARE superheros, and they're superb ones at that! Why, just listen to their theme song!

"Fighting crime,
Trying to save the world,
Here they come just in time,
The Powerpuff Girls!"

Now, unless they are a group of nerds playing Final Fantasy in their parent's basement, I would say that those words describe only SUPERHEROES! They fly! They punch! They use laser eyes and ice breath and can speak Spanish! (C'mon, you know it's a superpower.) What more do you want?

Oh. You want proof. You want PROOF. Well, I'll give you proof. I should KNOW about the PPGs because I have a box set of every episode known to man, not to mention all the commercials involving the girls, a documentary of how they came into being, and an extra, 10th anniversary episode in which Mojo Jojo sings "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" by Tears for Fears. And if you don't believe me, you can ask any of my friends (or yourselves, since most of you ARE my friends). So yeah. Get owned.

Yet still, you say the Powerpuff Girls aren't superheroes. WHY?

...

You have got to be kidding me. Because they're little girls?!?!?! B.....b....but c'mon!!!!!!! That doesn't mean a thing! When I was a little girl, I accomplished many things, such as watching Barney in the fireplace and coming out covered in soot. Ahem.... but I could have saved the world if I wanted to... and if I had had superpowers. But you see? The PPGs did have superpowers, and they did want to save the world! Therefore, they are superheroes. Case closed.

...Or not. They're too cute to be superheroes, you say? Hmmm... interesting. I thought about something like this the other day. You see, my English class just finished reading Lord of the Flies, a classic book that is pretty much about a bunch of boys who crash-landed on an island, turn savage, and start killing each other. Yaaaaay! But anyways, we had to do an oral commentary, where we were each given a question about the book and had to record ourselves talking about it for 4-6 minutes. My question was: Discuss the role of "games" in the book.

Well, of course what started off as a harmless little commentary turned into this spiel about how the human nature was forever doomed to revolve around violence, etc etc. Why? Because you're talking to rant-girl here, and that's what I do. Part of my spiel was about how the boys were dismissed as innocent because they were little and cute, when in reality, they were killing each other over pigs and a stupid conch shell. (Don't ask, those who haven't read it. Just don't.) So. You want to tell me again that the Powerpuff Girls can't be superheroes because they are too cute? Yeah. Didn't think so.

And now that my rant about that is over, I think I will post something that may help you appreciate the Powerpuff Girls a little more...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q8HdpBXLVYk

Hear that? Not just superpowers. ULTRA superpowers! WHAT NOW?

The Great Blogzini predicts: At 8 AM tomorrow, someone will poison your milk. DO NOT DRINK YOUR MILK. (Thank you, The Office.)

There Can't Be Good Without the Bad

Disconsonant- conflicting, disagreeing, contrary, etc.

The Walking Dictionary's Definition of the Day Award goes to: forks and spoons!!!

There IS a story behind this, my dear readers. You see, as I sat yesterday with a glass full of chocolate milk and a plate of mini brownies at my side, I indulged myself in the pleasure of watching The Powerpuff Girls. Yes, yes, I realize it's a children's show, but it really does have some fantastic jokes meant for adults (and the ones meant for kids aren't half bad either!)

So I was watching what I have now deemed my new favorite episode, an episode completely written in song. The travel-size heroes were singing to a villain as they destroyed him (lovely) about how good can't live without the bad, happy can't live without the sad, etc. The chorus stretched on with continued variations of this sort of comparison when I heard one that really stuck out from the rest.

"There can be no sun without the moon.

There can be no fork without the spoon."

Ok, how can you NOT say that isn't as obvious as the others. Fork and spoon aren't exactly what comes to mind when I hear good and bad. So, I thought to myself, Self? Which one is bad, and which one is good? And myself replied, Well, I just don't know, Ashley. Why don't you find out?

So I did, and so I am. I have polled nonstop today, asking which one was evil and why. The response was overwhelming; who knew people cared so much about the intentions of kitchen supplies? Most people agreed that the fork must be the evil one; after all, forks can stab you, but what harm can spoons do? (My little self peeped up at this question, stating Well, plastic spoons can break easily, and then you can't eat your pudding, and then you cry, and your salty tears fall in your pudding, and it isn't any good anymore, so you throw the broken spoon across the room in anger, but quickly realize the spoon didn't mean any harm and pick it back up and cradle it like a baby. I then told my little self to put a sock in it and go buy some more pudding.)

ANYWAY, despite the agreeable manner in which my friends answered this questions, I found myself getting more and more frustrated as the day went on. Why, you ask? WELL, apparently people were convinced that a spork was one of the options. IT WAS NOT. (For you geniuses who really don't know what a spork is, its pretty much a spoon with prongs. A spoon combined with a fork. A sp-ork. Spork. Catching on?)

It really aggravated me that everyone thought sporks were an option, when I clearly said "Fork, or spoon?" I guess I was kind of riled up at lunch, because I got into a heated discussion (well, more like a rant, since no one else was joining in) about sporks when my friend, who shall go by the generic name of Alice, said "I love sporks. It has all the great qualities of a fork combined with those of a spoon! Its awesome!"

My response?

Not, "Totally!"

Not, "Duh!"

Not even an unenthusiastic, "I agree."

Ready? Doubt it.

"You are soooo wrong! I would hate to be a spork! They have no idea what they are! Am I a fork, or am I a spoon? I have NO IDEA!!!! Look! My center is curved in, resembling a spoon, but my tips are pointed, like a fork! WHAT AM I? WHO AM I? That is one seriously confused eating utensil!"

*cricket cricket*

Five seconds later, my table erupted into hysterical laughter that carried on for at least three minutes, while I just sat there gasping, completely serious, wondering what in the world was so funny. Maybe I should do stand-up comedy. I could just get up on stage, with nothing prepared at all, then find something random in the crowd, like, oh, I don't know, a spork, and start ranting about it, and no one would be any the wiser. Not a bad idea, actually, except for the fact that when I actually try to be funny, I tend to fail epically.

The Great Blogzini predicts: You will accidentally bump into a man dressed as that giraffe from Toys 'R Us while walking across a small bridge. After mumbling an apology, you will carry on your merry way, not realizing you just got pick-pocketed.