Gather 'Round, Chill'uns...

Vacillating- indecisive, unclear, waffling, etc.

The Walking Dictionary's Definition of the Day Award goes to: online quizzes!

Let me spin you chill'uns a yarn, naw: Once up'n a time, in a galaxy far away, I went online to a popular site by the name o' Facebook. Naw, this here Facebook had a good amoun' o' quizzes on 'er, so I tried a few out for myself. Some o' 'em were fantastic! Dead-on, even. But some o' 'em were so far off I couldn'ta reached 'em with a 15 foot long pole! Why, I remember the day I......

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.......................

Wha'? Wha' happen'd? Oh, yeah. My story. So, that there's why you should never climb a mountain with a pit bull. Naw, get outta here!

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Oh, come on! Didn't you just love my imitation of an elderly redneck? No? Well... I suppose it was a little annoying. But hey! You should be proud I can still be so creative, what with all this blogging I'm doing! I believe it's been three days in a row now? And you didn't believe I could do it, did you?

But anyway, back to online quizzes. Ol' Grampa Joe had a point up there. I took a bunch of quizzes yesterday (for very important scientific research... certainly not because I was bored or anything) and got a variety of answers. Some were, well, dead-on, like the one that said my stereotype was a nerd. But then some were... simply amusing.

Example: I took a "Which Book Are You?" quiz a few days ago, thinking it would be fun, seeing as my friend got Winnie the Pooh as her answer. But when I took it? It told me I was THE TELL-TALE HEART!!! Because I'm CREEPY AND MYSTERIOUS!!!!!!!!!! I am NOT creepy or mysterious in the slightest! But according to a few of my friends, I am mysterious to people who I don't talk to in class. I'm not mysterious to them! I'm just the quiet one! But SOMEONE just wasn't satisfied with that answer, and just HAD to go around asking RANDOM PEOPLE I HAVE NEVER TALKED TO if they thought I was mysterious. The count is currently 10 For, 12 Against. Yeah, that's right.

Moving on. Another quiz I took today was the Rorschach Test, which is the thing with the little inkblots. Except it had inkblots in your result, not the questions. Whatever, I don't get it. But it told me I was tormented!!! Me! Tormented! Here, I can post the exact result:

You live a semi-normal life on the outside, but on the inside you have problems. Most of your life will be a long and painful trip, but at some point you will find happiness, so hang in there.

Problems. Long and painful trip. And they expect me to hang in there?!?!?!?! Losers. The people who make these quizzes are like the people who make fortune cookies. They have no idea what they're talking about.

The Great Blogzini predicts: You will experiance a blinding flash of white light, then realize that, by some unknown miracle, you have accepted the fact that brownies are awesome.

Prodigious Puppets! How Exciting!

Prodigious- wonderful, marvelous, awesome, etc.

The Walking Dictionary's Definition of the Day Award goes to: puppets!

For those of you who think that puppets are only for children and clowns, let me assure you of your total incorrectness! Have you SEEN Harry Potter Puppet Pals? (If the answer is no, navigate away from this blog right now and go look it up on YouTube. HP Puppet Pals is way more important than this.) Even if you don't like The Boy Who Lived, or haven't read the series/seen the movies, it's hysterical!!! In fact, my D.I. (Destination Imagination- you see why we abbreviate) team likes it so much, we based our entire challenge around it! (If you don't know what D.I. is, you pretty much pick a challenge that is either technical, performance, or a mix of the two, and spend a super long time working on it.)

But this entry isn't just about HP Puppet Pals. There are many other examples of awesome puppets. Just look at Sesame Street, or The Muppets! Where would the children of today be without the guidance of Elmo and Kermit, even if certain parents have issues with Cookie Monster's overindulgent eating habits and force his name to be changed to "Veggie Monster", killing certain bloggers spirits... but anyway!

You know what's great about finger puppets? The floppy arms. They simply would not be as enjoyable if their arms didn't flop around. Can't you just imagine the dramatic sound effects when you see them?

FWUMP!
WHACK!
THUNK!

I know I do.

The Great Blogzini predicts: You shall have the theme from "Jaws" stuck in your head for the rest of the day. SWIM AWAY!

Point of View SWITCH

Crimped- frustrated, aggravated, thwarted, etc.

The Walking Dictionary's Definition of the Day Award goes to: housecats!

HOW can they be crimped, you ask? Why, housecats have the perfect lives! They get to lounge around all day, lazily flicking their tails at the inferior beings that dote on them as they wolf down their "gourmet" wet food. They jump on fake mice and roll around in cat nip all day! They're entertained by a simple, mini laser beam, for crying out loud!!! HOW could they POSSIBLY be crimped?

Ah, my uninformed friends. You clearly have not lived with cats your entire lives, as I have. You have not had the many years of experience with them as I do. You see, cats may seem quite content with their seemingly simple lives. But it's all a facade! If you will simply walk in their paws for just a few minutes.........

A hazy fog fills the air as you are suddenly transformed into a housecat.

How lovely! you think to yourself. A patch of sun on the floor. I think I shall flop in it.

You proceed to lay down with a heavy thud in a warm spot of sunlight near the front door. Suddenly, one of your humans comes and opens the door. You immediately jump up and sprint to the opening, seeing the far-off horizon that holds your freedom. No more waiting for the right time of day to get that nice patch of sun! Once outside, you'll be able to

THUD!

You ran straight into a magical, invisible wall. You hear the humans laugh as they gasp the word "glass". What is this magic? It appears the outdoors is right at your pawtips, but try as you might, you can't get through this "glass". What havoc have these humans wreaked? They must be destroyed!

..........................................................................................................................................................................

You sit silently for weeks, staring the humans down, plotting your revenge. Oh, you try to spite them in many ways: only eating specific wet foods, and jumping in their seat right before they sit down. And no more do you give them the pleasure of sitting in their laps. No, no! They must suffer your intolerable shunning.

But still, it is not enough for the crime they have committed by placing that impenetrable glass wall in the doorway. Day in and day out, you try and try to break through, but you can't. The stupid humans laugh at you, thinking you just haven't learned that you can't get through, that you're an idiot. But it's not that you haven't learned; it's that you haven't given up hope of someday escaping the small title of a housecat.

Why do you want to leave, anyway? You have a nice bed, delicious food, and people who might as well be your slaves, they're so willing to serve you. To any other creature, it would feel like their own little kingdom. But you housecats know you were meant for bigger and better things! Forget a couple humans; the whole world should be waiting on you! Why do incompetent humans rule, when clearly you are the more skilled and useful of the two races. Of all the races, actually! You were meant to rule! You must be king (or queen)! You (oof) must (umph) break (uff) through (omph) this (ow) GLASS! (the glass wall disappears)

... You did it?...

WA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!

(You are snatched and shoved in a cage, which is then put in a car and driven to the vet.)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

*Bows* Thank you, thank you, one and all! That should be a play on Broadway. But anyway, a couple of important announcements. (Well, actually, they're not all that important, but oh well!) First of all, I have changed my profile picture, because I saw someone else who had the same one as me. Not cool. Anyway, I think the new one is better despite that, so check it out if you want.

Also, you know that link I have on my page for The Adventure of Zarutha, the most random story on Earth? Well, I'm taking it down, and here's why. My mom wants me to work on some writing this summer (other than my blog, I guess), so I thought starting over with Zarutha and making it longer and more complex would be the most fun way to do that. I don't want anyone mooching off my ideas or anything, so I won't be posting any of my work (don't ask me to, either). So, yeah.

Oh yeah! I am on summer break now, so expect more frequent posting. I will try my hardest to post at least twice a week, but we all know how unmotivated I am when it comes to this sort of thing.

Last thing: I will be putting a new poll up, so please vote! I don't know what it will be yet; I'll just make something up off the top of my head. Gracias!

The Great Blogzini predicts: You will buy a new booklight, rub it, and accidentally release a genie from it. Good job.

Boredom...

Hello, readers from a galaxy far, far away! This is one of those days when I just don't have the energy to do the usual formatting with the awards and whatnot. Why, you ask? Because I'm tired. Not in the sleepy way, just the I-have-absolutely-no-energy-to-spare way. So, I guess I'll just blog about my train of thought. It can be a wild ride sometimes, so let's see where this takes us.

First thought: school. It's almost over (for me, at least). This week is exams Monday-Wednesday, then a half-day of the oh-so-exciting graduation ceremony on Thursday. I really can't put into words how ANXIOUS I am for summer to be here. It's not that I'm excited for it; I don't have the energy to be. But it's weird; when I think to myself that in three and a half days I will be out of school, I feel a mixture of things. For example, there's a lot of teachers I am going to miss.  But then there are some that I am thrilled to be leaving! Plus, no more homework for two...and a half...months. Months that will pass slo o o o wly.  Months that will be filled with boredom a lot of the time. Months where I will miss my friends, teachers I may never see again, and yes, (gulp) G.I. But months that will also involve much fun with friends and trips to movies, camps, mountains, beaches, and restaurants! Throw in the fact that the first day of school feels like yesterday, and my brain feels like one big melting pot of doom.

DOOM

DOOR

FLOOR

FLOP

FLIP-FLOP

My dad hates flip-flops. He hates anything that goes in between his toes.  Even if they're the kind of flip-flops that have the fabric toe-separator, not the plastic one that hurts, he flinches every time he sees them. He's flinching now, as I wear them. (The fabric-y kind, not plastic.) 

Oh my, he is asking for the laptop. WELL. See you bloggies later. Perhaps my train o' thought will keep rolling in the next entry.

HELP! We need somebody! HELP! Not just anybody!

Super- divine, powerful, great, etc.

The Walking Dictionary's Definition of the Day Award goes to: batteries!!!!!

Oh, COME ON, people!! Batteries! How can you NOT agree? Batteries are what sustain us in the twenty-first century. Those little portable packs of energy give us the power to play extremely important video games, watch life-changing episodes of Oprah and Dr. Phil, and blend ourselves a blueberry banana smoothie all at the same time. It's simple, really; whoever invented the battery, if they're still alive, must be a...a... I don't know. They're probably more than a trillionare by now!

If you still don't believe in the power of that lovely little thing called the battery, take a gander at this lovely little drawing by yours truly. (Yes, I do realize I said "lovely little" twice. It was intentional.)

The Great Blogzini predicts: You shall be captured by a little man in green with a thick mustache and held hostage on top of a building.

There Can't Be Good Without the Bad

Disconsonant- conflicting, disagreeing, contrary, etc.

The Walking Dictionary's Definition of the Day Award goes to: forks and spoons!!!

There IS a story behind this, my dear readers. You see, as I sat yesterday with a glass full of chocolate milk and a plate of mini brownies at my side, I indulged myself in the pleasure of watching The Powerpuff Girls. Yes, yes, I realize it's a children's show, but it really does have some fantastic jokes meant for adults (and the ones meant for kids aren't half bad either!)

So I was watching what I have now deemed my new favorite episode, an episode completely written in song. The travel-size heroes were singing to a villain as they destroyed him (lovely) about how good can't live without the bad, happy can't live without the sad, etc. The chorus stretched on with continued variations of this sort of comparison when I heard one that really stuck out from the rest.

"There can be no sun without the moon.

There can be no fork without the spoon."

Ok, how can you NOT say that isn't as obvious as the others. Fork and spoon aren't exactly what comes to mind when I hear good and bad. So, I thought to myself, Self? Which one is bad, and which one is good? And myself replied, Well, I just don't know, Ashley. Why don't you find out?

So I did, and so I am. I have polled nonstop today, asking which one was evil and why. The response was overwhelming; who knew people cared so much about the intentions of kitchen supplies? Most people agreed that the fork must be the evil one; after all, forks can stab you, but what harm can spoons do? (My little self peeped up at this question, stating Well, plastic spoons can break easily, and then you can't eat your pudding, and then you cry, and your salty tears fall in your pudding, and it isn't any good anymore, so you throw the broken spoon across the room in anger, but quickly realize the spoon didn't mean any harm and pick it back up and cradle it like a baby. I then told my little self to put a sock in it and go buy some more pudding.)

ANYWAY, despite the agreeable manner in which my friends answered this questions, I found myself getting more and more frustrated as the day went on. Why, you ask? WELL, apparently people were convinced that a spork was one of the options. IT WAS NOT. (For you geniuses who really don't know what a spork is, its pretty much a spoon with prongs. A spoon combined with a fork. A sp-ork. Spork. Catching on?)

It really aggravated me that everyone thought sporks were an option, when I clearly said "Fork, or spoon?" I guess I was kind of riled up at lunch, because I got into a heated discussion (well, more like a rant, since no one else was joining in) about sporks when my friend, who shall go by the generic name of Alice, said "I love sporks. It has all the great qualities of a fork combined with those of a spoon! Its awesome!"

My response?

Not, "Totally!"

Not, "Duh!"

Not even an unenthusiastic, "I agree."

Ready? Doubt it.

"You are soooo wrong! I would hate to be a spork! They have no idea what they are! Am I a fork, or am I a spoon? I have NO IDEA!!!! Look! My center is curved in, resembling a spoon, but my tips are pointed, like a fork! WHAT AM I? WHO AM I? That is one seriously confused eating utensil!"

*cricket cricket*

Five seconds later, my table erupted into hysterical laughter that carried on for at least three minutes, while I just sat there gasping, completely serious, wondering what in the world was so funny. Maybe I should do stand-up comedy. I could just get up on stage, with nothing prepared at all, then find something random in the crowd, like, oh, I don't know, a spork, and start ranting about it, and no one would be any the wiser. Not a bad idea, actually, except for the fact that when I actually try to be funny, I tend to fail epically.

The Great Blogzini predicts: You will accidentally bump into a man dressed as that giraffe from Toys 'R Us while walking across a small bridge. After mumbling an apology, you will carry on your merry way, not realizing you just got pick-pocketed.

Wheel... of... FORTUNE!!!!

Droll- amusing, entertaining, captivating, etc.

The Walking Dictionary's Definition of the Day Award goes to: Wheel of Fortune!!!

Guys, this show is flipping HILARIOUS!!!! I am watching it as I type this (and I apologize if that makes this blog somewhat distracted sounded, and therefore not as amusing). There are many reasons this show causes me to break into unstoppable fits of laughter, sooooo let's get started!!!!

#1: The host. I believe they have changed the host of this show seven billion times. Right now, its some old guy who looks like he should be singing karaoke on a cruise ship. Sounds like it, too. Also, I believe he is flirting with the female contestants on the show, even though they happen to be at least forty years older than him. And that information they get about the contestants before the competition even begins? Well, if you forget to mention even one tiny bit of it in your "contestant profile", he'll say to you "Well, did you want to mention that you are in a sorority?" or whatever that forgotten bit of info is.

#2: The contestants, of course! Let me describe the ones on this particular episode. There's Nichole (not Nichol, not Nicole, but Nichole), who JUST won a million dollars, but then guessed the wrong letter and had her turn taken away, or something along those lines. There's Anita, who is just about the ditsiest person I have ever seen on reality TV. And there's Jason, who is busy throughout the entire show trying to get Anita to go out with him. For example, when he loses his extra turn or whatever, he says "Can't I at least give it to Anita?" who just sits there, tossing her hair and looking smug. Oh, how I hope she goes Bankrupt. (On the show, guys. Not in real life. I'm not THAT evil.) Meanwhile, poor Nichole is just sitting there, being the third wheel that she is. Sob sob, tear tear, cry cry.

#3: The contestants' expressions. There is apparently only two options regarding facial expressions on this show, and they are either looking eternally surprised or optimistically disappointed. Oh, I just lost half a million dollars? Well, that's alright, I'll just stand here in front of this cheesy mountain background and keep smiling. Oh, darn, my opponent just got the jackpot. Well, there's always next time! My, how I LOVE that mountain background! SO realistic!

#4: How self-absorbed the contestants are, even when they are behind everyone else by five million dollars. Watch how Anita cocks her head and claps when she earns a dollar. Vomit-inducing, really.

(Before I tell you the next reason, I would just like to add to #1 by informing you that the old dude just grabbed Anita's hand. Creeper.)

#5: The phrases they give the contestants to guess. The last one I saw was dinosaur exhibits, under the category of "Things". Wow. That will definitely clue you in. Because when I hear "Things", I automatically think "Oh! Dinosaur exhibit!"

Well, I could go on and on, but I have other things to watch, so adios, my non-existant readers!

The Great Blogzini predicts: You will be bitten by a cat. Two hours later, you will begin methodically licking yourself. Who needs a bathtub?